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Poll: Which Is The Worst Guy Code Violation?

Posted 8/17/12 3:30 pm EST by in Code Breakers, Funny, The Show

The very existence of the "Guy Code" means that there are certain jabronis who violate said code. While it's never fun to be in the presence of a code breaker, it's always fun to hear about them. Did they grow up taking cues from "Clueless" instead of "Goodfellas" or "Scarface?" Did their dads not impart enough manly wisdom? Do they just think they're above the law like Steven Seagal? The reasons may differ, but the scourge is always the same: it shows a lack of character, a lack of loyalty and either stupidity or arrogance. Not ideal bro qualities.

So we've come up with the 11 most egregious code violations we could think of, 11 offenses that could end a friendship. And we want you to vote on which is the worst transgression.

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Two Drunk Ladies Crash, Run Over Cop's Foot & Pee In His Car

Posted 8/17/12 11:00 am EST by in Funny, News, Today's Dumbass

Two drunk Texas ladies went on a rampage that featured a sequence of events that resembled "Grand Theft Auto." Robin Scott (21, on the left) and Renee Williams (23, on the right) were both arrested for DWI. How were they BOTH arrested for DWI even though they were in one car? Oh you'll see.

It all started when Scott rear-ended a mother who was driving her kids, and proceeded to tail her and curse at her in front of an off-duty cop. Once the cars were stopped, the officer approached the ladies' vehicle, identifying himself as a policeman. That's when they allegedly tried to run him over, but only managed to smash into his car and run over his foot. He pulled out his gun and Scott finally pulled over to comply (DWI #1).
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Our Favorite #GuyCode Photos On Instagram

Posted 8/16/12 2:45 pm EST by in Funny, MTV2, Photos, The Show


Credit: @xxjmurphxx

One of the great things about social media is the ease with which you can follow the discussion: just search a certain term or hashtag, and you can see the latest posts on that topic. Being the vain a-holes that we are, we're always scouring the web for the latest posts with a #guycode hashtag. Well recently we searched Instagram and were blown away by the sheer number and ridiculousness of posts labeled with the tag. So we had to share the best ones. Below are the funniest and most absurd #guycode photos we could find on Instagram.

1. @roshard11

Judging by the rolled-up jeans, that ain't no Brookstone chair. Not that I would know what kind of chair it is... #dontjudgeme

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Today's Dumbass: Melky Cabrera Suspended 50 Games For PEDs

Posted 8/16/12 1:00 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Dumbass


Credit: Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

Melky Cabrera is was having a stellar year for the San Francisco Giants, hitting .346, which surely infuriated his old Yankees fans. Of course, he then tested positive for testosterone and is suspended for 50 games, which surely infuriated his Giants fans. He was hitting 62 points higher than his career average, but we don't know how much of his new success is due to roids and how much is just a fluke and how much would've happened without the PEDs. Deadspin has a thorough analysis of his stats, showing that just about everything but his batting average is pretty much in line with his career numbers.

But c'mon Melky. Couldn't you cycle off the juice once you realized you were posting batting title-esque numbers? Ya know, keep them off the scent? It's like in "Goodfellas" when Jimmy Conway gets righteously pissed when everyone buys flashy cars and furs after the successful Lufthansa heist. Couldn't you tone it down a bit to close out the season, then maybe start up again in the playoffs?

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Steroids definitely would not help Carl Williott (@cwilliott) become a better baseball player.

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Today's Badass: US Soccer Gets First Win In Mexico

Posted 8/16/12 12:00 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Badass

Credit: Miguel Tovar/Getty Images

The US Men's Soccer Team was able to fend off Mexico 1-0 in a friendly game yesterday, making it America's first ever win on Mexican turf (a span of 75 years and 25 games). The spectacular game-winner came in the 80th minute, care of Orozco Fiscal, and you really need to see it because it looks like it came from an Xbox match:

Usabennyhillgoal_medium

Credit: SB Nation

By the way, Mexico (with a different roster) just won Gold at the Olympics. And our team didn't even qualify for the Olympics. I'd say the Yanks redeemed themselves. And with the Women's Team winning Gold over Japan, you can expect a whole slew of "Soccer in America is BACK!" articles. Keep scoring goals like that, and maybe it'll happen. We'll still never watch MLS, though.

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Carl Williott (@cwilliott) misses Alex Morgan.

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Is Kobe Bryant's Wife Becoming Michael Jackson?

Posted 8/16/12 11:00 am EST by in Funny, Ladies, Sports


Credit: Ronald Martinez/Vince Bucci/Getty Images

Women in the spotlight: we'll never understand their pressures. But that doesn't mean we have to understand their willingness to turn their faces into shiny, ductless lumps of clay able to be re-molded every 10 years or so. Kobe Bryant's wife Vanessa seems to be the latest to succumb to the temptations of botox and plastic surgery (though she denies having any work done).

We don't know why these lovely ladies do that. The inevitable conclusion is that they'll come out on the other end of the knife either looking like a cat or like Michael Jackson. As you can see from our detailed photo-analysis below, Vanessa went in for the Jacko treatment. Ladies, take it from us, no guy wants to see his wife turning into Michael Jackson.

 
Credit:Ronald Martinez/Getty Images; E. Neitzel/WireImage

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Carl Williott (@cwilliott) only believes in getting botox the old-fashioned way: from dented cans of Chef Boyardee.

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Pizzabon Makes Cinnabon Seem Manlier

Posted 8/15/12 2:00 pm EST by in Food, News

Credit: Twitter

Cinnabon is making a power grab. After 27 years, the food court staple is no longer content just to serve up late morning or late evening treats for moms doing back-to-school shopping and Gap girls on their coffee breaks. They want to entice guys forced to escort their girlfriends around the mall and pimply dudes looking to score some hot mall tail. So they've replaced the cinnamon and frosting usually found slathered on top of their buns bons and swapped in cheese and tomato sauce. It's called the Pizzabon. Is that supposed to be pepperoni strewn across the top, because it looks kind of like overcooked bacon or maybe peanut brittle?  Also, we can't be entirely certain that the photo isn't just a close-up of a Bagel Bite. Still, we can't wait to try it! As long as we can get past our fear of being noticed at Cinnabon.

Unfortunately, as Eater points out, the Pizzabon is only being tested in Cumberland Mall in Atlanta. So, men of Atlanta, be our guinea pigs. Go risk life and limb by ingesting the Pizzabon so that we may hear your tales of digestive battle! Godspeed!

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Carl Williott (@cwilliott) is keeping an open mind about the Pizzabon, because even bad pizza is better than no pizza.

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New NFL Gear To Buy Your Girlfriend

Posted 8/15/12 1:00 pm EST by in Gear, Ladies, Sports

 

When a woman wears a basketball jersey, it's sexy. Sleeveless and tight, they fit right into that too-small dress/too-long shirt sweet spot. Baseball jerseys work too, because of the buttons. But football jerseys have always been lacking in the sexiness department. The girls might as well be wearing a parachute.

Until now! The NFL has launched a new clothing line that appeals to the lady fans of the league (or at least the guys who will be buying this stuff for them), presumably because Pittsburgh women need to replace their Hines Ward gear. You may be thinking, "Wait, didn't the NFL already do this with Alyssa Milano's Women's Touch line?" Yes. Yes they did. But THIS time, it's called It's My Team, and they rolled out even more high profile chicks (and even some NFL WAGs) to model the clothes. So here's our guide to what you should buy your girlfriend if you want her to start cheering alongside you.
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Best New Official Words Include Mancave, F-Bomb And Sexting

Posted 8/15/12 11:00 am EST by in Funny, News


Credit: Tim Boyle/Getty Images

Every year the Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary adds a whole host of new (usually slangy) words to its pages, the vocabulary equivalent of genuflecting in front of the Queen and being knighted. For most people, this means nothing other than having more options for Scrabble and Words With Friends. Often, the additions are ridiculous and seem far too fleeting and fad-based to deserve a vaunted dictionary entry. But this year's crop of 100 is full of winners. Some of our favorites:

-craft beer: a specialty beer produced in limited quantities: MICROBREW - See also: nectar of the Gods

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'Guy Code' Bonus: Surviving Cops, Weddings And Bad Avatars

Posted 8/14/12 11:30 pm EST by in Funny, The Show, Video

So you've watched tonight's episode of "Guy Code," but you want even MORE tips on dealing with Johnny Law, Johnny Dances-At-Weddings and Johnny Button-Masher. We've got you covered with some bonus footage, featuring more strangely sensible tips on running from the cops, dancing at weddings and dancing for video games. So watch the stuff we had to cut out in order to make room for the commercials--because let's not sugarcoat anything, that's what pays the bills.

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