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Rubbernecker: Cop Doesn't Know How To Park Car

Posted 3/29/12 12:00 pm EST by in Cars, Comedy, Funny, Photos

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

To protect and to serve...and to park as we please! I'll be the first to admit that the authorities have earned the right to park in places that us civilians aren't allowed. It's essential to the execution of their job. To stop them from parking wherever they please would put innocent lives at risk. Have I laid it on thick enough? I think so. All that being said, parking like this in front of a 7-Eleven is just a slap in all our law-abiding faces. We all try to properly stuff ourselves into these tiny spaces out of respect to humanity, but then this po-po pops in and does whatever he wants because his shotgun is mounted on the dash.

I happened to be inside this 7-Eleven purchasing the essentials, (milk, eggs, Spicy Nacho Doritos) when the officer entered. He was the kind of cop that is always filming his own personal sequel to "Training Day" in his imagination. Let's just say his sunglasses never came off and he walked into the employees-only bathroom like he owned the place. Or at least like someone that was no stranger to their toilet. I felt as if he was going to write me a ticket for my Doritos exceeding the state of California's "Spicy Limit." All this being said, I got  in my car, put on the "Drive" soundtrack and pretended to be Ryan Gosling for the next couple hours whilst eating my Doritos. So who am I to complain?

Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

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Rubbernecker: Fame Is In The Car Of The Beholder

Posted 3/21/12 4:30 pm EST by in Cars, Comedy, Funny, Movies

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

If you can't see your name in lights, you can always paint it on the side of your car! The entertainment business is notoriously difficult to break into so you have to be creative. Some people do it with a clever YouTube video, some do it with a hilarious blog on MTV Clutch, and others turn their cars into makeshift needy transformers of self promotion. Independent film has been waiting for a novelty car with zero visibility that is almost certainly not street legal.

And now, Rubbernecker's Top 3 scenarios where we'd love to see this car:

1. Funeral precession - "You know I'm really gonna miss Mike but... someone write that website down because independent film always cheers me up!"

2. Fast food drive thru after midnight - "Would you like some ketch up, sir? Also, how's the movie business treatin' ya?", the drive thru attendant then stifled a laugh.

3. Used car lot - "As you can see, the previous owner was a filmmaker..."

Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

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Rubbernecker: A Gentleman Always Asks Before Banging Your Girlfriend

Posted 3/14/12 1:00 pm EST by in Cars, Comedy, Funny

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

It takes a classy human being to put a sticker like this on their automobile. Did this man see it at an automotive specialty store and couldn't get his wallet out fast enough? Or is it a custom decal because he was being asked for so many rides and in turn had to ask for so much sex from the guys' girlfriends? Rubbernecker has decided to break this sticker down point for point:

"Don't ask for a ride..."
A suped-up two door hatchback is...well, it's still a two door hatchback. When those of us over 5-foot-2 are looking for a ride, we'll exhaust all other options before folding ourselves like laundry to fit into your adorable fire engine red Babe Mobile.

"...and I won't ask to f*** your girlfriend"
It is very kind of you to ask me for permission. I suppose leaving the decision completely up to my girlfriend would be too post-1920s. I can tell from your classy car that you like to keep things classic, like pre-women's suffrage classic. However, not too classic, like medieval classic. After all, you're asking, not acting like a nobleman invoking Prima Nocta on our wedding night.

"...f***..."
It takes a lot of guts to have the F-bomb written on your car. First, it makes you a cop magnet. Second, my girlfriend's parents will not approve of you. Even if you explained to them that you asked my permission first, they are salt-of-the-earth people and disapprove of spicy language. Even if I let you f*** my girlfriend, she will never take you to Thanksgiving.

Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

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Rubbernecker: Here's Looking At You, Demon

Posted 3/7/12 3:15 pm EST by in Cars, Funny

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

I'm a simple man. I like my car to get me from Point A to point B as comfortably as possible with the radio playing loud. Rarely have I looked out my back window and thought, "Sure, I can see out but it's just so plain. Why can't it be more TERRIFYING?!?" I tend to like my view to be as unobstructed as possible so I don't, say, cause a horrific accident. But that's just me, I can be a real party pooper. Apparently in the great state of Pennsylvania, aesthetic counts for more than basic visibility.

Pictured above, we have the rear window of a pickup truck (big surprise there!) completely covered with some kind of demon that is...well...demonically gazing at all the cars with the misfortune of driving behind this truck. Best part? The demon has its hands eagerly pressed against the glass. As if to say, "Let me at 'em! I vant to gobble up ze souls of all ze autos behind us!" Yes, the demon speaks in a German Dracula accent as I imagine most demons do. We here at Rubbernecker applaud the driver for let their freak flag fly but scold them for reducing their blind spot visibility!

Today's picture was sent our way via Twitter by the lovely @iamqueenfal. Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

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Rubbernecker: Darth Vader Likes Chick-fil-A

Posted 2/23/12 3:30 pm EST by in Comedy, Funny, Movies

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

YUP! That's Darth Vader leaving a Chick-fil-A on a weekday afternoon...WELCOME TO TINSELTOWN! A place where basic tenets of reality need not apply. You can live in your own fantasy world and it only ends when you start seriously considering doing low grade pornography at an abandoned office building.

I was stopped at a light and couldn't get my cell phone fast enough. I tried to get the attention of the drivers  around me with the international sign of, "ARE YOU SEEING THIS?!?!" But they were all nonplussed veterans of the city and this was no more exciting than seeing a guy dressed as Obi Wan Kenobi leaving a marijuana dispensary.

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Rubbernecker: Slow Customer Parking

Posted 2/22/12 3:30 pm EST by in Comedy, Funny

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

If you name your super hip indie thrift shop "Slow," perhaps you didn't consider every business angle? Like a reserved parking sign? Or perhaps you're a friggin' comedic genius and knew ahead of time that denoting your parking spaces as "Slow Costumer Parking" was going to be HILARISTERICAL! California is a state filled almost exclusively with pot smokers, so the amount of uncontrollable giggles provided by this green awning is endless.

I was just rolling down the street after getting a haircut when I saw this gem and practically ran over a mother with stroller to get a picture. While trying to snap off a pic, there were two hipster guys and a gal giving me the stink eye while they were smoking cigarettes. At least I think it was two guys and a gal. Could have been two gals and a guy, three guys or three gals? Doesn't matter because all three were wearing jeggings.

Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

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Rubbernecker: Tattoo Come To You

Posted 1/4/12 2:00 pm EST by in Cars, Tattoos

Comedian Tom Sibley created the popular blog Subway Douchery, which makes fun of subway dimwits. Now he lives in subway-deficient Los Angeles and must mock people on the roads as Rubbernecker.

FINALLY! The only thing that was really holding me back from covering my body in ironic tattoos was the inconvenience of actually going to the tattoo parlor. Who wants to deal with all those rowdy drunken sailors or giggling groups of 20-year-old ladies who continue to get tramp stamps for unknown desperate reasons? It was only a matter of time until some genius created a tetanus delivery van!

When having needles burrowed deep into your skin and rolling the proverbial dice with any number of intravenously transferred diseases, you want safety and hygiene to be of the utmost importance. And nothing says, "TOTALLY CLEAN!" like a friggin' van! It's not like windowless white vans have any kind of negative stigma in modern culture. With any luck, vans like this will be as common as ice cream trucks on the Fourth of July and they'll happily usher in the apocalypse.

Want Tom to mock a photo you took? Tweet it to @TheTomSibley or @MTVClutch.

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10 Celebrity Heads That Are Literally Growing [Photos]

Posted 9/22/11 2:30 pm EST by in Celebs

After extensive medical research on WebMD, we found the human head reaches its fully mature size by the age of 18. Apparently, these "medical professionals" never consulted that fun fact with any of the following 10 celebrities because photographic evidence proves their heads have exponentially grown since their 20s. And we don't mean an inflated sense of self, we mean their heads are physically getting larger with each passing sitcom, rom-com and box office bomb! We have a number of theories on what is contributing to this defiance of human biology. Most of them involve booze and unabashed sandwich consumption, but we're no doctors. View the below evidence and make up your own crackpot theories.
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