Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
If you're lucky enough to live in Southern California, then check out the L.A. Comedy Shorts Festival next weekend. It's the biggest comedy film fest in the U.S., and Will Ferrell's Funny Or Die is a major sponsor. You know, Will Ferrell, the guy who'll be honored at the 2013 MTV Movie Awards with the Comedic Genius Award?
At the L.A. Comedy Shorts Festival (get tickets here), Key and Peele will be likewise honored with the Commie Award. To celebrate, we've put together some of their greatest sketches...
Last night's episode of "Guy Code" (watch it here) showed viewers the newest, most ridiculous sex toy on the market: a Lil Duval, "the realest thing" you've ever seen.
Yeah, it's a joke, but there are equally bizarre sex toys for sale online. From extraterrestrial love dolls to a rubber ducky, here's the weirdest stuff that companies are manufacturing to spice up your love life. We're at a loss for words, so we'll just let the product descriptions speak for themselves.
We're supposed to learn from our mistakes, because negative consequences theoretically change our behavior. But when it comes to some embarrassing actions, dudes just can't help ourselves. Every guy in history has made similar blunders--you're not the first, you're not the last--so don't feel totally ashamed of yourself next time.
1. The Horrible Throw
You know you should walk to the trash can and drop your refuse inside. But wouldn't it be badass, you think, to throw it with a skyhook that would make Kareem Abdul-Jabbar jealous? After you miss by several feet, you explain to any witnesses how not even Kareem could accurately throw a crumpled-up piece of paper that weighs less than an ounce.
2. Getting Caught Staring
The hot girl sitting across from you on the bus catches you checking her out. You immediately pretend to look at your phone, but keep glancing back at her to see whether she's still glancing at you. Good luck striking up a conversation, Romeo.
+ For more on embarrassment, watch "Guy Code" next Tuesday at 11/10c on MTV2
Although she received some boos from the crowd, Daughtry also got some praise for her technique when fielding the grounder. The announcer called it a "pretty clean play," and Rays manager Joe Maddon said that "she presented her hands to the ball very well...the overall package was very, um, efficient."
If Hollywood decides to do a remake of "A League Of Their Own," they should definitely get in touch with Daughtry. Here's the video:
Sticks and stones might break a guy's bones--but if you really want to hurt him, make fun of his mom. On tonight's new "Guy Code," the gang opens up about mothers, and we're asking fans to tweet their best Yo Mama jokes. Include #GuyCode, and if cast-member Andrew Schulz likes your joke, he'll retweet it tonight from 10:30-11e. (For inspiration, check out MTV's old show "Yo Momma," dedicated to trash-talking other people's moms.)
Yo Mama jokes are a true art form. Just like a painter can choose from watercolor or oil or sculpture, the Yo Mama insult artist needs a multifaceted arsenal at his disposal...
1. Yo Mama So Fat
You have to exaggerate and defy the laws of nature to make these successful. (Saying "yo mama so fat, she statistically has a greater risk of dying from heart disease" is too real and depressing.) The mama should be so large that she's like a mythical creature whose size grants her extraordinary powers.
Example:"Yo mama so fat, the pilot asked you to remove her picture from your wallet so the plane could take off."
+ For more on moms, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
A true friend is always there when you need him, whether it's bailing you out of jail, warning you about a bad relationship or passing out so you can draw on his face. But even the best friendships have occasional miserable interludes. You'll probably remain friends when the dust has settled, but these unavoidable situations aren't fun for anyone.
1. Liking The Same Girl
You'll infuriate each other by inventing random criteria to decide which one of you can go after her: who saw her first, who got laid most recently, who still owes the other money, etc. Meanwhile, it's really just up to her to decide whom she likes...and there's a chance that it's neither of you.
2. Dining Out
Some friends make going to a restaurant a horrible experience. Your buddy might always leave a small tip based on some stupid justification, so you have to cover his share. Or maybe he demands that you split the bill 50/50, even though he ordered a steak and three beers when all you had was fries and a glass of water.
+ For more on dealing with friends, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
You might've noticed that many (most?) of our "Today's Dumbasses" come from Florida. For whatever reason, more bizarre things happen in the Sunshine State than all other states, possibly combined. Here's a few stories from over the weekend.
1. Man Doesn't Realize He's Been Shot
More than a million people attend Miami's Calle Ocho Festival. With all that excitement and commotion, it's easy to become distracted...like the guy who got shot in the ass and then walked away, thinking he was fine until he passed out from the bleeding.
2. Does Florida Hate St. Patrick's Day?
Officials forced bar owners to take down their Irish flag because it violates a city ordinance. Businesses in Atlantic Beach can only display American flags...you know, America, the country founded on freedom of speech?
3. Drinking On The Job
Yeah, Florida's strange, but sometimes it's awesome. Like the Port Orange healthcare company that offers employees "Beer Cart Fridays." (A cart stocked with brewskis rolls around the office.) Plus, employees receive a "Get Out of Jail Free" card for a paid day off, so they can start drinking at work on Friday and stay at home hungover on Monday.
Spring break is right around the corner, which means that guys everywhere are getting ready for the beach. (Specifically, for the amazing parties and hot chicks at the beach.) At least, that's the plan...but spring break has a way of unraveling even the most well-conceived plans.
Between too much sun, too much beer, cruel pranks and creepy old dudes, weird times are guaranteed. Comedians Ray Devito and Jon Savoy have scoured the Internet to find the worst spring break moments ever. Watch the video, then reconsider your vacation.
United States might be one of the more responsible countries in the United Nations, at least when it comes to showing up drunk to work. Joseph Torsella, deputy U.S. ambassador to the UN for management and reform, recently asked that delegates not show up inebriated to the next round of UN budget debates. Torsella said, "While my government is truly grateful for the strategic opportunities presented by some recent past practices, let's save the champagne for toasting the successful end of the session."
We're not sure which country's delegates he's referring to specifically, but we have some strong guesses. Lest you think we're just stereotyping Eastern Europe, the list is taken from a study on alcohol consumption per capita by the World Health Organization.
Moldova dominates the world in both the amount of alcohol they consume and in badass saxophone performances. Perhaps you're familiar with the Moldovan band SunStroke Project's performance at the 2010 Eurovision Song Contest which gave the world Epic Sax Guy.
Any suspect arrested for a crime is entitled to a fair trial by a jury of his peers. Or her peers. Or, uh, its peers. Turns out, dogs and cats and monkeys can be charged with violating the law.
This doesn't happen frequently, but some animals have been accused, convicted and even served jail time for their crimes. We're hoping one of these cases inspires a movie titled "Air Bud: Habeus Corpus."
1. Prisoner C2559
In 1924, a Labrador named Pep killed Pennsylvania Governor Gifford Pinchot's cat. Using his gubernatorial powers, Pinchot immediately presided over a murder trial, despite giving Pep no legal counsel. The dog, which a warden assigned the prison number "C2559," received and served a full lifetime term.
Although Pep died in the slammer, he was allowed to roam between cells and around the yard, and was loved by prisoners and staff alike.