Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
The first prison term apparently just wasn't enough to rehabilitate these two. A few hours after being released from Orange County Jail, 37-year-old Ryan Irwin Tischer and 35-year-old Jose Manuel Ortiz allegedly stole a van and then (brilliantly) drove it to a parking lot that sits between two different law enforcement agencies.
An officer came outside to use his phone and found the two trying to break into another car, according to the police report. Ortiz then tried to steal the officer's cell phone but was overpowered and arrested, police say.
We're sure that some prisoners fantasize about all the crimes they're gonna commit when they get out of jail -- they might want to recall what got 'em there in the first place.
Groping a woman without her permission is definitely breaking Guy Code, and a baboon named Mickey could use a lesson in chivalry.
At the Lodi Grape Festival in California, TV reporter Sabrina Rodriguez was teasing a segment about baboons' love of grapes. As soon as he was on camera, Mickey shook Rodriguez's hand and then immediately grabbed her breast. (Perhaps, in her purple shirt, he thought it was a giant grape?) Judging by the look on Mickey's face throughout the video, he was very proud of himself.
Who would have thought that the municipal Water Office would be so uptight?
The Water Office of Deltona, Florida, were evacuated when a man left after paying his water bill with an envelope that contained an unknown white powder. The evacuation proved to be unnecessary a few hours later once police determined that the powder was actually cocaine. The police are still searching for the suspect.
There's a chance that this guy spent so much money on drugs that he actually didn't have any cash left to pay his bills. But if you spend that much money on drugs, you're probably not still trying to pay your bills. It might be more likely that this guy just grabbed the wrong envelope. That would mean that someone else became incredibly angry when they received a check for the Water Office instead of drugs.
Being a judge is about more than doling out justice to those who come before your bench -- it's about wielding that gavel with style. We're sure Judge Donnell Rawlings has that covered on "Guy Court," a sneak peek of which airs Tuesday at 11:30 p.m. ET/PT on MTV2. Here are some of our other favorite judges from history, movies and television.
1. Judge Dredd
In the future, every judge will be a cop, a jury and an executioner all rolled into one. Or, as Judge Dredd succinctly puts it, "I AM THE LAW!" Don't even think about jaywalking.
It was a gift that kept on giving, and then stopped giving forever.
A 66-year-old man from Colombia reportedly wanted to "please his new girlfriend," so he took several Viagra pills, way more than medically necessary. The erection lasted for several days, so he went to a hospital where doctors determined that -- to stop the spread of gangrene -- they needed to amputate his penis.
He is now "doing well," according to a local newspaper, but learned a tough lesson: If you want to do something nice for your girlfriend, then just buy her candy...don't eat Viagra like it's candy. Sending flowers to her office works, too.
We haven't calmed down from the intensity of last week's "Breaking Bad," and with only two episodes left, there's still plenty the show has to address. Why does Walt buy himself a machine gun for his 52nd birthday? What happens to his family? Is he going to live or die in the finale? Everybody has predictions, and anything can happen, so here are our wildest guesses...
1. Walt uses the ricin to go back and finish off Ted Beneke for having sex with his wife.
2. The white supremacists lose Walt's $70 million after "investing" in lottery tickets.
3. After Walt's criminal history hits the news, Skyler signs a contract with VH1 to appear on the new show "Meth Wives." Read More...
By now you've probably heard about "Better Call Saul," the upcoming "Breaking Bad" spinoff about lawyer Saul Goodman before he met Walter White. Since the future looks bleak for many of the characters on "Breaking Bad" in the final couple of episodes, we're glad that Saul won't completely leave us when the show's over. Still, we're anticipating some severe withdrawal pangs when "Breaking Bad" ends, so here are other potential, but very unlikely, related series that AMC should consider filming...
1. "Philly's Finest"
This police drama follows Michael Ehrmantraut during his early days with the Philadelphia Police Department. Initially a by-the-book cop, Mike begins to play by his own rules after becoming disillusioned by the crime he sees both on the street and within the department.
2. "Gale And The City"
Set five years before we see him in "Breaking Bad," Gale Boetticher is a cultured and quirky nerd looking for love, a decent cup of coffee, and the right shoes to match his lab coat.
3. "Have An A1 Day"
In this prequel series, we finally get to learn about the softer side of Bogdan Wolynetz, Walt's former car wash boss, who tries his best to run a business despite consistent incompetence from his bumbling employees.
4. "Breaking Dead"
The first episode of this crossover between "Breaking Bad" and "The Walking Dead" begins with (SPOILER ALERT) Zombie Hank punching his way through the desert earth with his decaying fist. This way we get to see all of our favorite characters again, whether they died or not.
Baseball games last so long that the players are bound to get a little hungry.
During a game against the Seattle Mariners, Prince Fielder chased down a foul ball that landed in the crowd. It was a long run for Fielder, who, let's be honest, is a fatty. Fielder must have felt he deserved a snack after that workout, so he stole a nacho from a fan before running back to first base.
Stealing food from a complete stranger is usually a bad idea and definitely against Guy Code. But Prince Fielder isn't your typical guy. He lives under the Famous Fat Guy Code that says you can steal a small amount of food from a stranger because they will think it's funny. That's not a bad way to live.
Vine has quickly become a great place to see some of the best pranks on the internet. Many of these pranks are simply hilarious, but some of them -- like the dude smearing Nair all over his (newly bald) friend's scalp above -- just cross the line into outright sadism. Here are prank Vines gone too far, with the expected NSFW language.
This might not qualify as a fail, since the ultimate goal was to get some Internet recognition. But it's not really a "win" if you need immediate medical attention.
In the Vine below (uploaded to YouTube after the original was deleted), a guy attempts to pull off an incredibly risky stunt -- jumping over a speeding car -- but doesn't even come close to clearing it. At least he's able to jump high enough to not be run over:
He appears to be relatively unharmed in the ambulance, and the brush with death even seems to have given him religion:
Here I am sitting in the hospital, thanking God I'm alive. Thanking God for my stupidity, for my courage. Life is precious. Thank the Lord.