Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
November is all about growing a mustache, but October 18th is officially No Beard Day. If you have a beard, we understand why this holiday might upset you. Your beard is a point of pride and a sign of masculinity. Sometimes, though, you can't see that it's time for a change. Nobody's forcing you to shave your beard today, but you should consider it if you exhibit any of these signs.
The bruin that recently attacked New Brunswick man Gilles Cyr is probably regretting that decision. Despite the bear's "friggin' mouthful of teeth" and "friggin'...growls," Cyr grabbed its tongue, causing the animal to bite itself. (You know how much it sucks to accidentally bite your own tongue? Now imagine that you're a bear.)
Luckily, Cyr escaped with minor injuries to his stomach and knee. In the video below, he says that he was only scared "for a second," and compares bear-fighting to "an extreme sport." We're sure that he'd be the friggin' champion.
It can be incredibly hard to buy gifts for your dad, but this son nailed it.
This past Sunday, a YouTube user decided to surprise his father, a lifelong Cincinnati Bengals fan, who'd never been to Paul Brown Stadium because he lives in Connecticut. So, the son started off by presenting an official Bengals hat and jersey signed by Andy Dalton, followed by game and airline tickets to see the Bengals play the Jets in Ohio.
The dad fought through tears, and you'll possibly do the same. (It's OK, guys can and should get emotional over football.) You might never be able to repay your father for all he's done for you, but if you can make him this happy, you're doing something right.
All this guy wanted was to get drinks with his buddies, but he got arrested instead.
Texas man Rogelio Andaverde, 34, feared his wife's wrath if he were to leave the house. So his friends allegedly burst into his home with masks and guns, and "kidnapped" him for a guys night out. Andaverde's wife called police, who became suspicious when he came back unharmed hours later, claiming that his kidnappers miraculously decided to let him go.
"We have people file false reports all the time, and we put them in jail for it," the local sheriff told reporters. "But I've never had someone do it just to get out of the house."
This seems like a good week for guys calling in fake threats to avoid their wives' anger. If you need to stage a kidnapping to get a few beers, just filing for divorce might be less of a hassle.
Guys are by no means the only people who watch porn on the Internet, but it's probably safe to say that it's mostly guys. If we were to ask girlfriends around the country if they assume their boyfriends watch it, we're guessing most of them would say yes. Still, if you get caught (and your lady doesn't share your hobby), you might end up in a tough situation -- a few excuses could work, but just make sure that you don't try any of these...
1. "I'm only watching it because the girl in the video looks like you. Well, not that girl, the one who's still wearing part of her cop uniform."
2. "Considering the types of porn I could be watching, you should be very happy right now."
3. "If you get to look at your ex on Facebook, then I should get to look at my ex on adult websites."
4. "Yep, the rumors are true. There's porn on the Internet. Just trying to verify the stories I've heard."
5. "I only watch it for the pop-up ads."
6. "A friend sent this to me because of the interior design in the video. Where do you think they got that dresser?"
Once you hit a certain age, Halloween stops being about getting candy and starts being about getting turned on by ladies' revealing costumes. Does trying to make a crayon sexy sound like a dumb idea? Yes. Is it possible to be turned on by a hot girl wearing a tight, skimpy crayon outfit? Also, yes.
We're not proud that we can be attracted to a crayon, but we'd be lying if we tried to pretend otherwise. Here are some other costumes that get us all mixed up inside.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.
Justin Baker of Boynton Beach, Florida was arrested for allegedly attempting to sell cocaine and prescription painkillers to an undercover police officer. That's dumb enough as it is, but Baker had already been arrested twice this year for trying to sell drugs to the same undercover cop. As of last night, he remained in jail with bail set at $50,000.
To be fair, maybe the cop just has a bunch of great disguises. The first time he could've looked like a drug addict, and the next two times he looked like a sea captain and an astronaut. That's a stretch, but there are a lot of costume shops open this time of year.
The first prison term apparently just wasn't enough to rehabilitate these two. A few hours after being released from Orange County Jail, 37-year-old Ryan Irwin Tischer and 35-year-old Jose Manuel Ortiz allegedly stole a van and then (brilliantly) drove it to a parking lot that sits between two different law enforcement agencies.
An officer came outside to use his phone and found the two trying to break into another car, according to the police report. Ortiz then tried to steal the officer's cell phone but was overpowered and arrested, police say.
We're sure that some prisoners fantasize about all the crimes they're gonna commit when they get out of jail -- they might want to recall what got 'em there in the first place.
Groping a woman without her permission is definitely breaking Guy Code, and a baboon named Mickey could use a lesson in chivalry.
At the Lodi Grape Festival in California, TV reporter Sabrina Rodriguez was teasing a segment about baboons' love of grapes. As soon as he was on camera, Mickey shook Rodriguez's hand and then immediately grabbed her breast. (Perhaps, in her purple shirt, he thought it was a giant grape?) Judging by the look on Mickey's face throughout the video, he was very proud of himself.
Who would have thought that the municipal Water Office would be so uptight?
The Water Office of Deltona, Florida, were evacuated when a man left after paying his water bill with an envelope that contained an unknown white powder. The evacuation proved to be unnecessary a few hours later once police determined that the powder was actually cocaine. The police are still searching for the suspect.
There's a chance that this guy spent so much money on drugs that he actually didn't have any cash left to pay his bills. But if you spend that much money on drugs, you're probably not still trying to pay your bills. It might be more likely that this guy just grabbed the wrong envelope. That would mean that someone else became incredibly angry when they received a check for the Water Office instead of drugs.