Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
One of wintertime's most beloved traditions is gathering with friends and family and making a snowman after the year's first snowfall. Unless you live in the South, in which case you're going to have to figure out a way to have fun in 70 degree weather. Good luck with that! Wherever you live, we've found pictures of some of the snowmen to make with your friends or to share with your friends on your phone while lounging by the pool.
For many people, the holiday season is a time of cheer, merriment and trying to hook up with an ex. You're both in the same city for just a few nights; you're both drunker than normal because you don't have work; and you're both lonely because it's the holidays and everybody else seems happy. Some of you have already tested the waters to see if a hookup is possible, and some might wait until you see your ex at an ugly sweater party. Either way, be careful with your strategy, 'cause the wrong text can ruin your reunion.
One of the best things about the holidays is catching up with people whom you may not get the chance to see too often. Unless, of course, you dread the question, "Where are you working these days?"
Everyone has rough patches in their life and career, and it's extra rough when those patches coincide with the holidays. If you're unemployed and don't want to tell anyone, we're here to help. These job titles will sound real enough to be convincing...and boring enough to discourage follow-up questions.
1. Operations And Logistics Coordinator
This one is a mouthful, especially if you add "for global supply chain strategy consultants," but it doesn't really matter anyway because people will have stopped listening after the word "operations."
If pressed to explain, just say that you analyze production, purchasing, shipping and receiving for various companies. Your job will sound boring but important. If people keep asking tough questions, you can always start complaining about the new version of Microsoft Excel.
2. Brand Management For Social Media Trends
You might not know a lot about real jobs, but you probably know enough about Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to get by in a short conversation. Make up a company that sounds like a Silicon Valley startup -- like "SourceGroove" or something -- and say it's your job to "integrate" and "cross pollinate" social media platforms to boost companies' online profiles.
You can also distract people by talking about how many beanbag chairs and ping pong tables your office has.
When I and some other writers were invited to Gillette World Shaving Headquarters to learn about the research and development that go into making razors, I was surprised to find myself actually interested.
I rarely shave. My boss doesn't require me to and my girlfriend doesn't mind stubble, so I don't have the motivation to wake up any earlier than necessary. Maybe I'm just lazy, but it's easier to drag an electric trimmer across my face a couple times a week.
While I don't use razors, I still notice the advertisements boasting about the huge steps in razor technology. Are these advances are based on actual research? Or are they just invented to make the product look futuristic? It turns out, there is way more research on razor technology than I thought possible.
The tour began with a PowerPoint presentation detailing some of the research that Gillette does when designing new razors. We were shown extremely close-up videos of different razors cutting actual facial hair. Two things stood out. First, highly magnified images of someone's skin are disgusting. We're all gross from close up. Second, the number of blades on a razor and their spacing seem to really matter. Two-bladed razors miss a lot more hair than three-bladed ones. When blades are set too far apart, a lot hair gets stuck between them. If the blades too close, the hair just gets. Read More...
Everyone has had roommates whose bad habits have made living with them almost unbearable -- like the "Guy Court" defendant on Wednesday's episode who hoarded all the toilet paper. When you have an issue with one of those roommates, explain what's bothering you and ask if there's anything you're doing that bothers them. Remember, never leave passive aggressive notes!
Still, there are times when that approach isn't enough. The dishes are still piling up, your food is still being eaten, or their pet snake keeps getting out of its cage. When all reasonable attempts have repeatedly failed, you can rid yourself of politeness and general decency. Here's how...
1. Respond In Kind
Whatever inconsiderate behavior your roommate is doing to you, just return the favor and elevate it. If he's stealing your food, try stealing his clothes. Who cares if they don't even fit you? The important thing is that he's missing a new pair of pants every time you're missing a sandwich.
2. Trade Embargo
Roommate relationships thrive on healthy trade agreements -- the relationship breaks down when one roommate is taking more than he's offering. When that happens, cut off the essential supplies that he's mooching. Maybe he'll buy his own shaving cream and toothpaste when he has a hideous beard and yellowing teeth.
Tonight on "Guy Court," one man is going on trial for ruining his friend's game by farting around women. We're anxiously awaiting the verdict, as it will set a legal precedent for all guys to follow. But we're all guilty from time to time, so you'll need a good excuse for your farts whether they're frequent or not. We'd advise you to not use any of the following:
1. "You took my breath away. I guess that's where it went."
2. "It was him!" (points to guy across the room)
3. "It was him!" (points to leather couch)
4. "I have OCD. If I don't fart at this exact time every day, I am convinced something terrible will happen."
Victor Cruz is one of the most dynamic wide receivers in the NFL, and we were lucky enough to talk with him a few days before the Giants beat the Oakland Raiders on Sunday. (Could that just be a coincidence, or are we just good luck?) He told us about the Giants' involvement with Movember, the most bizarre athletic superstition he's ever heard/smelled, and why you don't wanna be at the bottom of the pile during a fumble.
Last week, David Ortiz and Shane Victorino shaved their beards at Gillette's World Shaving Headquarters in Boston. When you were on playoff runs, did the team ever do any mutual ritual like that?
Honestly, no. I'd say we were so caught up in what we were trying to do on the field that we didn't even pay any attention or have time to do something like that. But I think everyone is pretty on board for Movember this year. For some strange reason, everyone is doing this. It's interesting to see.
Is anyone on the team having a particularly hard time growing out their mustache?
I'm going to go with Prince Amukamara. He's trying. He's kind of having a tough time. It kind of grows in little waves. It grows in on an angle a little bit. He's got to get it cleaned up. He's trying. You got to give him credit. ... He's riding with that wave, so you can't be mad at him.
Are you also growing a mustache for Movember?
I am. I am actually growing a full goatee. It's coming in pretty good. ... It's getting cold, so a little more hair never hurt.
Do you have any superstitions or rituals that you stick with?
Not really superstitions, more so my routine. I guess having my routine would be somewhat superstitious. Just having my regimen, getting into the hot tub at this time, taking a shower, getting a massage, get my ankles taped, throwing with Eli. Doing my routine every week has been essential for me.
It's never too early to start planning your Christmas wish list. But don't pick gifts that will already seem dated by 2014. When you ask forhigh-tech, go for the absolute highest. Even if you don't receive these presents this holiday season, they should still be cutting edge next year...and maybe next decade.
1. Instant Beer Cooler
Somehow it's taken 'til 2013 to make a freezer that can chill a beer from room temperature to ice cold in under a minute. Not only does the new V-Tex cooler accomplish this in just 45 seconds, it also drastically reduces the amount of energy that grocery stores use to constantly cool their beers. In other words, you can help save the planet by getting buzzed faster.
Now that October is over, it's time for the month of Movember. No, that's not a typo -- it's a month-long event for which men grow mustaches to raise awareness about prostate cancer and other male health issues. The idea is that people will ask you why you're growing a mustache, and then you tell them all about Movember and what it means.
But what if you can't grow a mustache or it just looks terrible? Don't worry, here are a few other antiquated things you can do that will get people to ask, "Why are you doing that?" Then you can also help raise awareness about these very serious issues.
1. Wear A Zoot Suit
Credit: Douglas Miller/Getty Images
Between the high-waisted, wide-legged pants and jackets with oversize lapels and padded shoulders, zoot suits are completely ridiculous. They haven't really been popular since the 1940s, so this should be a perfect substitute if you can't grow facial hair. There's no way that you can wear this for a month without people asking questions.
Since tomorrow is Halloween, it's well past time you designed and decorated your own pumpkin. We already showed you "The Laziest Pumpkin Carvings For Halloween," and now it's time for the opposite end of the gourd quality spectrum. A well-carved pumpkin can only benefit you. We're not saying that it'll get you laid, but it just might tip the scales in your favor against all the other guys in Walter White costumes who didn't carve a pumpkin. Even if your knife skills aren't much, you can still admire these works of art.