Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
On Wednesday afternoon, Te'o issued a public statement: "This is incredibly embarrassing to talk about, but over an extended period of time, I developed an emotional relationship with a woman I met online. We maintained what I thought to be an authentic relationship by communicating frequently online and on the phone, and I grew to care deeply about her."
Far as dying goes, getting suffocated by breasts sounds like a pretty decent way to go out. Actually, we can't think of a better one.
Nevertheless, a 51-year-old Washington man probably would've chosen to live longer. Local police say that his girlfriend and mobile home co-tenant, Donna Lange, climbed on top of him and fatally smothered his face with her jugs. CPR couldn't save him, and she's now being charged with second-degree manslaughter.
The exact size of the accused assailant's breasts/weapons has not yet been revealed; apparently they were large enough--or she was skilled enough--to cut off the poor dude's air supply during an altercation. (The couple had a history of arguments, according to witnesses.)
She would've been able to hold him down thanks in part to her 17-pound weight advantage: Lange is 5' 7", 192 pounds; the deceased 5' 6" and 175. She was allegedly intoxicated at the time of the attack, and denied knowledge of the fatal incident.
Just hope that if you suffer a similar fate, it's at a time and place of your choosing, and in the warmth of a more agreeable bosom.
Are you breaking Guy Code if you choose hard cider over beer? It's a tougher question than you might think. Oh, your first impulse is to say "hell yes, it's breaking Guy Code to drink apple juice at a bar. Why not just order a round of cosmos?"
But cider is a popular dude beverage all over the world, and America's founding fathers were even big fans. (Hey, what could be a better way to get an apple a day?) Sales are going back up, so learn all about this drink du jour courtesy of an easily digestible infographic from the folks at Hack College. It could change your opinion, if not your order.
Following in the footsteps of Tony Hawk, President Obama and Travis Pastrana, the Terminator himself (also formerly Mr. Olympia, Conan the Barbarian and governor of California) Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared on reddit Tuesday for an "IamA" question and answer session. Ahhnold added in his bio, "I killed the Predator."
He didn't stick around reddit very long, but long enough to answer a bunch of fun questions, occasionally responding in mangled purple cursive on his iPad. He declined to dish on his younger, orgy-filled days (or about "Kindergarten Cop"), but nevertheless made us want to purchase his autobiography, and more likely to see his latest movie "The Last Stand," costarring MTV's own Johnny Knoxville.
Highlights after the jump. Obviously, we implore you to read all the responses in his voice to maximize entertainment value.
Jeff Foxworthy made a living from the phrase "You might be a redneck if..." Today, we're gonna try to double his impact (and his chins) with the maxim, "You know you're a fat guy when..."
Keep in mind, you don't have to be a bona fide heavyweight to commit random acts of fatness; every guy ruthlessly smashes his face with grub at one time or another. But there's a difference between a few extra pounds and being pudgy, husky, chubby, chunky, large, huge, massive and eventually placed in a motorized scooter.
There are plenty of downsides to being fat: Elevated blood pressure, higher risk of diabetes and heart disease, easily getting winded, excessive sweating, uncomfortable (and possibly more expensive) travel and the judgment of society, even if you lose the weight. But what about the positive aspects of unabashed calorie munching?
Fortunately for big fellas, recent research indicates that a little fat might actually help you live longer. (Granted, you shouldn't scarf down bag after bag of potato chips for longevity's sake.) On tonight's "Guy Code" season premiere, the crew will flesh out fatness, which isn't all bad. After the jump we'll break down the plus sides of being plus-sized.
Ladies dig the long ball, but they also get up for pucksget hot for iceopen the five hole enjoy watching hockey. Far as WAGs go for mainstream professional sports, hockey babes are at or near the top, as you can see from this gallery of lovely celebrity fans, many of whom dated or married players. We look forward to seeing more of 'em when NHL training camps (hopefully!) open next week.
Sure we could consider Vegas's lines, previous matchups, analysis by FootballOutsiders, Bill Barnwell, Peter King, or pray to Paul the Olympics Octopus ...but we decided to leave the oddsmaking to the oddsmakers and instead compare the music from cities competing in the Divisional Round this weekend.
In some cases, we had to weigh different scenes: Seattle's grunge rock versus Atlanta's hip-hop, but try to put your preferences aside and compare the overall impact of bands/artists as a whole. (How's that working out for you?). We've got an awesome "anthem" match-up between Baltimore and Denver, and avoided a major mismatch between San Francisco heavyweights and Green Bay wedding bands, thanks to our adoption of a Milwaukee troupe. Without further adieu... Atlanta versus Seattle after the jump.
Kudos to musician Mat Kearney who got his wish for Chip Kelly to return to coach his beloved Oregon Ducks, even though Kearney's tribute song "Chip Don't Go" probably had zero to do with Chip's decision to eschew the NFL to return to Eugene. That assumes of course that Kelly isn't a die hard Kearney fan, but the coach strikes us a Metalcore guy.
Kearney's solid, well-informed tune got us all warm and fuzzy thinking about previous fan tributes -- by professionals, punks, suburbanites and heartbroken middle-aged old men. Sports captivates all of us, but only special few feel moved to put their passion to music. By the way, we're not talking about videos with mere images or video edited to a popular track (with one exception), but tributes using parody, original songs and the like. Some are damn good, others simply ridiculous, all have our stamp of approval. Check 'em out below in no particular order, beginning with Kearney's.