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Everybody knows that ladies love guys who can play an instrument--especially if it's a guitar--but for every rock star swimming in groupies, there's a bassoon player sitting in the corner, playing "Magic The Gathering." Here are some instruments to avoid, unless you're getting tired of all that sex you've been having.
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Being a sports fan is hard work. Unless you're in one of the five cities where all the champions come from (we're looking at you, coasts), you're stuck rooting for a lost cause just because that's where your parents decided to bone. Some cities are such sports failures, they should just quit and let their citizens become Yankees fans so they can be happy for once. Here are five cities that need to do everybody a favor and call it quits.
The last team in Cleveland to win a title was the Browns and there wasn't even a Super Bowl yet. (That was back when pregnant woman smoked cigarettes.) Their baseball team's mascot is pretty racist, their football team is so boring its logo is just a lame helmet, and the greatest basketball player of our generation wanted out of there so badly he didn't care if kids burned his jersey in the street.
On the bright side, "Major League" still totally holds up.
2. San Diego
Sure, the Chargers' powder blue uniforms are badass. That's about where it ends as far as cool things about San Diego sports. Total major professional teams in the city's history: Three. Total number of titles: Zero.
You've got the Pacific Ocean, bitchin' beaches, surfing and one of the best climates in the world. Just do everybody a favor and ship your teams to Iowa. They really need something to do out there.
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Guys like beer. Like, a lot. We also like sports...almost as much as beer. Combine the two and you've got a match made in Guy Heaven. Here are the sports guys play solely to get s***faced either during or immediately after.
Bowling can be traced back to the ancient Egyptians, who were probably just in it for the pitchers of beer and wings. How much do guys like beer and wings? We'll join leagues to wear embarrassing shirts and play a game that was new and exciting when Moses was around, even though videos of people getting punched by kangaroos now exist.
Hunting under the influence is terrifying. Fishing buzzed, on the other hand, is living the good life. Get out on the water, wear one of those hats with all the hooks on it...and, if necessary, use a beer cooler as a life raft.
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With the Super Bowl long behind us and a new season still months away, these are truly the dog days for the NFL fan. Here's a look at some ways you can satiate your football needs without having to fill the void by doing stupid things like talking to your family.
1. Get Super Into Mock Drafts
Occupy your time with football's most pointless obsession. Become an expert on your future third-string long snapper. Do some research and find out who that middle linebacker from San Diego State is dating--should she affect whether or not you draft him? Also, try to determine, once and for all, which incredible hair product Mel Kiper is using.
2. Brainstorm Your Fantasy Football Name
In a mere five months you and your buds will be drinking beer, eating wings and pretending you aren't just playing the non-geek's version of "World of Warcraft." Make sure this year you aren't stuck with "Doug's Dynamos." Think inside jokes or pop culture references. Come up with a few backup options. You don't want to show up and be the fourth guy calling your team "Jon Hamm's Penis."
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Prom is one of the most memorable nights of your life. (The main thing you remember: desperately trying to make it to third base.) But if you forget everything that happened because you partied too hard, there are photographs to remind you. Here's a look at the many ways your prom pics can go wrong...and what they say about you as a guy.
+ For more on going to prom, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
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As the college basketball season winds down, we're taking the time to celebrate one of America's greatest art forms: Insane college basketball fans. For three weekends out of the year, grown men and women are allowed to lose their s*** for school pride, and we could look at 'em all day long. Here's some of our favorite March Madness photos.
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With springtime right around the corner, we've gotta start getting back in shape. Ladies aren't too attracted to the holiday pounds, especially when it's beach season. And since baseball season is also right around the corner, we're giving you some inspiration for hitting the gym. Here's a look at the grossest bodies in professional athletics: Major League Baseball coaches.
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For most self-respecting guys, the goatee might be a relic that went away circa 1998, but it lives on thanks to truckers, your weird uncle and dudes who think Confederate flags are fashion statements. And, of course, MLB players.
These guys might be millionaires but apparently they can't spare the cash for disposable razors. Here's a look at some of the biggest facial hair offenders.