Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
That is a title we never thought we'd write. Peyton Manning is the new Tim Tebow. Despite Tebow becoming a Christ figure in Denver last season and leading the Broncos to the second round of the playoffs, John Elway and homies have courted and landed former Indianapolis Colt great, Peyton Manning. What happens to Tebow now? There is a chance Denverites rise up, burn down Mile High stadium and Tebow makes another stadium rise from the ashes that doesn't include Elway in his executive box. Yes, we're mixing Bible stories with Greek mythology, but you get the point.
More likely is Tebow gets traded (Andy Reid is probably licking his chops at the challenge) and Manning wins over the Denver fans. After all, he's Peyton "F***ing" Manning and he's been saving bad Indianapolis Colts teams since Tebow was in homeschooling. Once Manning makes Demaryius Thomas and Eric Decker look like Pro Bowl receivers, Denver locals with start "Manning-ing," which is to look into the camera with an annoyed/perplexed expression because everyone around you sucks so hard.
Now is a good chance to let MTV Clutch newbies know that our blog is run by a badly drawn cartoon character named Ryan McKee: Animated Blogger. It doesn't make sense and is obviously a huge hiring error on MTV's part, but he's running things for now and we're forced to put up with him.
Recently, Ryan noticed that morale seemed a little low around the offices and decided to bring in a motivational speaker to boost people's spirits. Enter Andrew W.K.! Yes, that Andrew W.K. The same guy who brought us "Party Hard," "It's Time to Party" and "Party Til U Puke" also gets hired by the likes of Yale, Harvard and New York University to deliver speeches on motivation. Professor W.K. took some time away from his current tour celebrating the 10th anniversary of I Get Wet to discuss his "party" ideology for everyday life. While at MTV, he also took some time to pump up the staff and create havoc.
Andrew W.K., our favorite hard-rocking party guerrilla, stopped by the MTV Clutch offices recently to appear in the next episode of "Ryan McKee: Animated Blogger." While Andrew is an intellectual and an Ivy League motivational speaker, he is also a wild card. From minute to minute, you don't know if he's going to hug you or jump on the desk and scare the s*** out of your boss. That spontaneity is exactly what makes him such an amazing performer and why hordes of dedicated fans flock to his shows. It also means he veered from the video's script and improvised some office destruction. Check out the following behind-the-scenes photos of "Ryan McKee: Animated Blogger Meets Andrew W.K.," which premiers this Monday on MTV Clutch, and be sure to catch Mr. "Party Hard" on his current tour.
Cameron Quiseng, Michael Martinez and Zach Porter of Allstar Weekend were nice enough to sit down with MTV Clutch and talk basketball before the 2012 NBA All-Star weekend. It turns out these pop rockers don't know much about hoops outside of what it's like to shake Shaq's hand and that LeBron James is "probably on an All-Star team." However, we did learn that Porter's father was a true baller in his younger days. Zach even shows us an amazing photo to prove it.
Blake Griffin went into beast mode last night against the Oklahoma City Thunder and performed a monstrous dunk over one of the toughest defenders in the NBA, Kendrick Perkins. As if to quiet the critics who have been poo-pooing this rushed season, this killer performance happened only one night after LeBron James had a dunk that commentators were already picking as the possible dunk of the year. King James actually jumped over 5-foot-11 Chicago Bull Jon Lucas III on his way to the rim. Plus, he did it so effortlessly that many viewers missed Lucas all together on first viewing. Watch the dunks below and then vote for your favorite dunk in our poll.
Judge Judy has been around so long, she feels more familiar to us than our grandmother and is more intimidating than our WWII veteran grandfather. Her show is in its 16th season, so we must know what "Judge Judy" is all about, right? She yells. She's nasal. She haunts our dreams...you know, even babies know this stuff. However, after reading the following infographic, we realized Judy is much deeper, more successful, more interesting and more informative than most idiots would guess. Read More...
If you've ever wondered whom Ed Lover is referencing when he says, "C'mon Son!" our friends at Next Movie have found the answer. The film site asked for Lover's take on the Oscar nominations and got over four minutes of passionate ranting (actually, they probably got a lot more and edited it down). "Son" must be Oscar: "C'mon Oscar!" That means Lover has blamed Oscar for all kind of things in the past that could not have been the statuette's fault. However, these latest nominations are definitely his fault and that little gold man is getting the Lover-lashing he deserves.
For all of the straight guys who joke about wishing they were gay because it's easier to get laid, Tim Gunn has news for you. This "Project Runway" celebrity/style guru hasn't had sex in 29 years. Wow. That's longer than our target demographic has been alive.
To put this number in perspective, we asked ourselves, "If Tim Gunn were a sports team, which one would he be?" We couldn't come up with an answer. His dry streak far eclipses the worst losing streaks of all time. Equating a month of celibacy to one game lost, we made a graph representing Gunn's sex life against the longest losing streaks from the NBA (Cleveland Cavaliers), NFL (Tampa Bay Buccaneers), MLB (1800s Louisville Colonels), NHL (Washington Senators/San Jose Sharks), WNBA (Tulsa Shock), CFL (Hamilton Tiger-Cats) and NCAA Division 1 Football (Northwestern Wildcats), Basketball (Towson Tigers) and Lacrosse (Wagner College).
New York Giants punter Nick Weatherford held the ball for last night's NFC Championship-winning field goal kick by Lawrence Tynes over the San Francisco 49ers. After the pigskin sailed through the uprights, Weatherford forgot that punters are supposed to be seen and not heard. He went into full freak mode, running and screaming at the top of his lungs, "We're going to the f***ing Super Bowl!" Hilarious, touching and awesome. The fact that Fox broadcast the whole easy-to-lip-read thing made it even more hilarious, touching and awesome. Weatherford will go down in history for performing the best celebration by a punter ever televised, as the below GIF proves. Read More...
NFL players cannot be spokesmen for beer companies. At least, not until after they've retired, like John Elway and Joe Montanadid with Coors. It wouldn't be good for the league's image. Despite this fact, football and beer are invariably linked since most fans enjoy cold ones while watching and beer ads fund the televised games. With this in mind, we decided to connect possible NFL pitchmen with some of our favorite beers. For example, Aaron Rodgers is a native of the same town where Sierra Nevada beer is brewed, so he must enjoy an IPA on occasion.