Graduation ceremonies are painfully boring. Remember what it was like, as a kid, to be trapped in front of a TV playing the news? A graduation is like that, but with ill-fitting robes.
That butt-numbing boredom inevitably inspires people to try spicing up the affair. Often, they'll make bad inside jokes that only half the crowd gets...while friends and family wish for an even bigger asteroid to strike the stage. But even inside (more like insipid) jokes aren't as bad as the worst thing that can befall a graduation ceremony: Someone pretending to trip as he accepts his diploma.
photo via Redditor buttermouth
Until last week, Fond du Lac, Wisconsin was a nothing town with a goofy French name that most men would have never cared to visit. And then it abruptly became a religious site worthy of a pilgrimage by land, air or sea. Why the switch? Because of the righteous Bloody Mary above served at O'Davey’s Pub. This behemoth comes standard with popcorn, bacon, sausage, a slider cut in half, pickles, olives, vegetables, peanuts, weird looking cheese curds, tortilla chips, a chunk of nacho cheese and, somehow, beans. And it only cost $5.
This marvel of alcoholic ingenuity inspired us to further explore over-the-top Bloody Marys. What we found was awe-inspiring. All across this great nation there are brilliant bartenders appealing to fat drunks with cocktails that are more accessorized than Kesha on a red carpet. Here are some of our favorites:
Credit: Stephen Dunn/Getty Images
Never hustle. Hustling only leads to tired legs, sweaty brows and in the case of Major League outfielders, embarrassing face plants in front of 40,000 people.
Washington Nationals wunderkind Bryce Harper is the latest outfielder to sprint head on into an immoveable object. It happened last night in LA and the immediate aftermath is above. Harper, known for his balls-(and now face!)-to-the-wall hustling, was immediately taken out of the game with blood running down his neck.
Don't feel sorry for him though. That's what he gets for hustling. One would think that outfielders have learned by now that loafing and not flattening your face is better than trying hard and hitting the DL. They haven't though and here are the GIFs to prove it. Most of these are from the past few years, with one classic thrown in at the end. Let them all serve as a reminder of the horrors of hustling.
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As he exhibited once again last night, Manu Ginobili is a stone cold, dead-eye assassin. His game-winning three pointer in double overtime against the Warriors came minutes after he bricked a horrible three off the front iron. But Manu doesn't think about the past. He's got, as the great Bill Raftery would say, ONIONS.
He's also got the best bald spot in the NBA. In the picture above, taken not long after he ruined Steph Curry's night, Manu shows off his glistening pate with no shame. It's as if he's saying, "Yes, I'm bald. But I'll still drain a three right over your hair-having head." As a tribute to Manu, we look back at his magic chrome dome through the years.
A year and a half ago Manu's bald spot was about the same size as it is today but it hadn't yet given up the ghost. If you look closely you can see a thin dusting of wispy hair hanging on for dear life. Those lost of hair-hicans have since called it quits.
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The fine ladies of "Girl Code" addressed the art of dancing on last week's episode. They had illuminating discussions on "boobie popping" and suggestively sucking straws (which we couldn't more highly recommend). But given the time constraints of TV, they couldn't address one of our favorite dance subjects: The killer dancer who looks like an awful dancer. We love a good surprise...and when it comes in the form of a doughy white guy in a park ranger uniform moving like he was in "Wild Style," we love it even more. Here are eight examples that prove the surprisingly awesome dancer is the best dancer of all.
A lanky dude with a trombone
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Vice President Joe Biden has never lacked confidence. That's how he was able to get elected to the U.S. Senate at only 30 years old. Dude's got marbles. And not just when it comes to politics. A loyal husband of 35 years, Biden is nevertheless a notorious flirt. He's at his best when he's spitting game to married women right in front of their husbands. And when those husbands are his political rivals, it's even better.
Most recently Biden was caught on camera charming Jessica Biel as Justin Timberlake stood back and watched his wife get hit by the mack truck. If it makes JT feel any better, he's not the first.
Credit: Kevin Mazur/WireImage for TIME
Credit: Robert Zuckerman/Paramount Pictures
Normally, we wouldn't even expend the energy to make fun of a Michael Bay action movie starring Mark Wahlberg and The Rock. But there's something special about "Pain & Gain," the latest from the explosion-mad director--namely, that it's set in Miami. And as you likely know, that means the bikinis will be as plentiful as the car chases.
In the trailer alone, there are at least nine eye-popping moments that suggest the entire 129 minutes will have viewers popping other things. We've gathered those notable shots below in a compendium of the biggest reasons we're looking forward to this movie. Fair warning: Shirtless Tony Shalhoub is included, but that couldn't be avoided.
Photo: Sports Mashup
Some fans wear jerseys, some fans wear hats and some fans wear body paint. Far fewer fans get tattoos for their favorite teams, and fewer still get inked in honor of their favorite players. But those who do prove a dedication that surpasses the rest of us. Today, we celebrate those fanatical fools with tattoos of NBA players, some legends and some nowhere close.
T-Mac had a chance to be one of the best ever. Most people thought he never reached that potential. This dude is not most people.
Photo: Hooped Up
Credit: Jason Kempin/Getty Images for Coachella
When writers on the internet make fun of Coachella (and boy, do writers on the internet make fun of Coachella), they often start with people like the guy above. Look at him show off his ample armpit hair and his fancy smartphone. Look at that pose. Look at those unnecessary arm bands. Look at his "freaking awesome, bro" headdress.
Chief Poses With Phone is by no means alone in perpetuating the stereotype of Coachella attendees as insufferable doofs. We've gathered a handful of pictures showing even more. If you scroll down and find a photo of yourself, don't feel too bad. You can always dry your tears with those piles of cash you peeled a few hundreds from to attend the festival.
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures
When the 2013 MTV Movie Awards were first announced, we rejoiced that the slate of movies were "movies for dudes" (that's us quoting us). What makes the movies so dude-worthy is a fine crop of beautiful women, explosive action and most importantly, raging scenes of sheer, unadulterated ass-kicking.
Today we bring you the best ass-kicking from the MTV Movie Award nominees in GIF form, because the only thing better than watching someone get punched in the face, is watching it on a loop.
Batman elbows Bane in his weird hose face