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Mother's Day is hard for guys. It's one of the two days a year where you have to remember to call your mom. (May God's light shine upon you if Mother's Day happens to fall on your mom's birthday!)
When you talk to her, keep it quick and to the point. Don't make this completely unnecessary holiday any harder than it has to be by slipping into taboo mother/son topics. Trust us, when it comes to this relationship, some things are best left unsaid. Frighteningly, it's like your relationship with your girlfriend that way. Here are five confessions to avoid with Mom...and maybe your girlfriend too.
1) That You Hate Her Cooking
Growing up, I hated my mom's cooking. (My name's not going on this thing, right?) The meatloaf she used to make back in the '80s tasted exactly like...well, meatloaf. Terrible.
But know who else hates your mom's cooking? Your mom. She wishes she could serve a gourmet meal on a silver platter every night, but that's just not gonna happen. Also, you were a worthless, picky kid who needed to eat, so she cooked calorie-packed garbage for you so you'd survive. And survive you did, so don't you ever complain.
2) All the Drugs You've Done
Back in high school, at this raging weekend BBQ, some guy was on the phone screaming, "Mom, I'm on mushrooms! It's awesome!" At the time I remember thinking, "Whoa, it's amazing how close of a relationship that guy has with his mother. That's really cool!" What I now realize in retrospect is that guy was tripping f***ing face and his mom wanted nothing to do with the call.
Look, your mom already knows. She constantly smelled the stench of marijuana on your clothes back when you were naive enough to think she didn't know what marijuana smells like. The last thing Mom wants is to be an accomplice when the DEA takes you down, so leave her out of it.
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