There are two things in this world that are known to be permanent. The first is a tattoo. The second is internet fads. One look at the massive career achievements of Tay Zonday is all the proof you need. (This is why Weezer's video for "Pork and Beans" is the greatest artistic achievement of our lifetimes.) Put the two together--maybe a little text speak on your inner lip, or a meme on your arm--and it's like chocolate and peanut butter--two things you love that taste even better together, and something you will never, ever regret. Let's take a look at 8 brave pioneers who have taken the plunge into getting Internet acronyms forever emblazoned onto their skin.
Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, just two showbiz adults having coffee, walking down the street and falling in love while the autumn leaves colorfully exit their branches. This is what normal, nonfamous people do all the time, so it shouldn't be a big deal (except for the terrible name "Swiftenhaal"). But it is a big deal because this burgeoning relationship is just so creepy. But why?
Well, first of all, there's the age thing. Jake's pushing 30, while Taylor just hit 20. A decade's age difference wouldn't even be noticeable if we were talking about a 50-year-old and a 60-year-old. But this is 20-year-old Taylor Swift, whose whole persona is based on being a teenager and speaking to teenagers about teenage things. Plus, she looks way younger. Then there's the fact that Jake's last major relationship was with Reese Witherspoon, who's a couple of years older, divorced and the mother of two children. That was a real adult relationship, not something based upon chugging coffee while avoiding your weird uncle on Thanksgiving. Oh, and Witherspoon's oldest child? Born in 1999. Swift? 1989. What does it mean? We don't know, but it sounds weird.
The real issue at work here might be that we think Jake Gyllenhaal dating anyone is sort of gross. There's something about his smile that veers between the two terrible poles of smug and smarmy. Plus, he's indisputably the lesser Gyllenhaal.
Lastly, the thing that makes this couple so very bizarre is that they're hanging out in the Park Slope neighborhood of Brooklyn, which, unless you're 35 and have a baby, you shouldn't do at all.
What do you think? Are you as weirded out by this relationship as we are?
Though not yet in Kat Von D territory, Rihanna has spent much of the past few years steadily turning her body into a singing and dancing canvas. She has, at this point, 12 tattoos by our count. And when she gets inked, she goes in for meaning, even if the message is occasionally obscure. Without an explanation, the layman wouldn't be able to figure out what her squiggly lines and a bunch of roman numerals might mean. And that's why we're here, to provide the service of decoding Rihanna's tats. Let's figure this girl out!
Remember the story of the Emperor's new clothes? It goes something like this: There's a vain and greedy Emperor and two weavers tell him they will make him clothes that people who aren't worthy cannot see. They pretend to dress him and he pretends to see the clothes. When he wears them in public, everyone notices that he isn't wearing anything at all. There's a moral here, but it's not important. What's important is this: If the Emperor had lived today, none of this would be an issue because he would have been covered in tattoos.
The way to get around the whole "wearing clothes" problem that our stifling, puritanical society demands is to simply get your clothes tattooed on your body. You'll never end up like the Emperor and you'll save money on laundry, but you'll also never be able to change. It's a trade-off. Let's salute some of the bold people who can walk into a room naked and fool everyone--from the famous (Amy Winehouse!) to the crazy (that guy with glasses tattooed on his face), here are 12 of the best clothes tattoos.
Not since Michael Jackson's "Bad" video, or maybe the "Tequila" scene in "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure," have such a hardened set of ne'er-do-wells taken to an androgynous boy-child star in the way they have to King Bieber. Throughout the biker bars in towns like Fontana, California, or Possum Trot, Kentucky (this is a real place!), the way arguments are settled is through synchronized line dancing to the tunes of the Bieb. Helpfully, ABC has provided documentary video evidence of this phenomenon.
Here's the rundown. After a brief discussion of the relative merits of Katy "Mrs. Russell Brand" Perry and Ke$ha, all problems are solved when the alpha biker, the one who has earned his elaborate facial hair through the natural selection process of the tribe, declares it Bieber time, and they all break out dancing to "Baby." It just goes to show, underneath all that exterior toughness, we're all just happy little boys who want to dance around to mop-topped pop stars.
Modeling is a tricky business. It might seem like models just spend an hour at work, have some photos taken and then stay up all night at cocaine parties, but the world of the pretty is competitive and often vicious. The little people just don't understand how models release their frustrations--throw one telephone at one peasant and suddenly you're the lead in "When Models Attack." We call it violence; they call it justice.
Take Jessica White. As a Sports Illustrated model who dates the famously even-tempered Sean Penn, she should be able to easily get into a cab, right? Well, she was trying to do just that last week when some woman who was probably ugly got in her way. What else was Jessica to do but pull her hair and strike her "numerous times in the face with her hand, causing abrasions, swelling and substantial pain"?
People just don't understand the stresses models face, and White certainly isn't the first to go into a fit of rage to deal with these stresses. In fact, we've got a whole list of the world's maddest models and their terrifying stories.
It seems like every time a new horror film hits theaters, it's bragging about how it's based on a true story. Problem is, we never know if it's telling the truth. Does "based on a true story" mean that everything in the movie actually happened? Or does it mean that there was once a person in Cleveland who shared a name with the main character?
We found out. Below are 10 horror movies, some new, some classic, and the true story they're based on. Just how accurate are they? Find out!
We've said it before, and we'll say it again: Tattoos are permanent. There may be lasers that can clean up your skin but there isn't a laser that can remove a tattoo and leave no trace. And guess what? We have the internet, where youthful mistakes will always be remembered.
Take Kelly Osbourne, for example. She's decided that her ink was her "way of self-harming because I really knew it would upset my mum and dad." Now she's got a bunch of silly images that she hates to look at and will soon go under the laser to get them removed. But even though Kelly's tattoos will no longer be a part of her future, they'll always--thanks to the internet--be a part of her past. She is, of course, not alone. Here are five celebrities who have had their tattoos removed and five more who need to be dragged to the surgeon, kicking and screaming, to get the awful ink of theirs erased.
Before Banksy became a multimillion dollar selling "Art Star," his often political and frequently strange work would stop you in your tracks, even if only for a few seconds. Once he started showing in galleries and the likes of Brad Pitt started buying his work (at his first show in the U.S., we saw Christina Aguilera wandering the halls), his art began to become a little too obvious, and his sloganeering tended toward the ham-handed. But you know when leftist punk bands would sign to large corporate major labels and claim they were about to "subvert the system from within" but never quite managed to? Well, it looks like Banksy just did.
On last night's episode of "The Simpsons," the credit sequence started as normal. The only hint that things might be awry was the word "Banksy" scrawled across a few of the walls and billboards of Springfield. But once the family hit the couch, things got interesting. The show outsources much of its animation to South Korea, and the sequence focuses on the sweatshop conditions of a Fox animation gulag: overworked adults and children dip cels into toxic materials, decapitated dolphin heads seal packages, and a chained and sickly unicorn punches holes in "Simpsons" DVDs.
Okay, as satire, it's a bit over the top. What is shocking is that Fox ran Banksy's ballsy critique of outsourcing, "The Simpsons," and the standards and human rights conditions that people in first world nations accept. It's uncomfortable and dark, and not what's expected from the modern "Simpsons," which mainly consists of "Homer hurts himself" jokes. With the pretty funny "Flight of the Conchords" episode that started the season off, and now with Banksy's critique-of-capitalism credits, it might even be possible that "The Simpsons" has caught a second wind by finding its dark side.
Greg Giraldo, comedian, died yesterday, after being hospitalized for a prescription drug overdose. He was 44 years old. A former lawyer, he was a late-night fixture, a judge on "Last Comic Standing" and, even if the name doesn't ring a bell, you've seen the guy at 3 in the morning on one of Comedy Central's roasts.
In the end, what we lost was a great stand-up comic. Let's take a minute to look back at some of his finest and funniest bits. He would have wanted it this way.