Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
What's that sound? Oh that's the beat dropping on Nick Cannon's "Wild 'N Out." This season the show has hosted some of the hottest names in the rap game from Mac Miller to 2Chainz, not to mention a drop in from Mrs. Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey. But the comedians on the show are trying to get their hustle on too.
In this clip, cast members are thrown in the ring to fight it out with improv comedy chops and rap skills as their only weapons. In the game, "Flow Job," Lauren Flans and Timothy DeLaGhetto have to rap about a profession and get their teammate to guess it. As Lauren spits a rhyme to describe a gynecologist, she introduces us to our new favorite nickname for the female anatomy: the downstairs throat.
The Friend Zone is brutal for any guy interested in a girl who "doesn't notice" him or "just wants to be friends" or thinks he's "gross." TV characters have never been exempt from this harsh reality, so here are guys currently on the air who've found themselves trapped in that sad, sad place...
On "Game of Thrones," he is a "trusted companion" of the beautiful Daenerys Targaryen. (Or, as comic John Roy calls him, "Lord Friend Zone.") He stands loyally by her side to offer counsel and protection, but he's really more interested in putting his sword somewhere else. ZING! Unfortunately, the Khaleesi's only in it for the war advice.
Today marks the start of the 14th annual Gathering of the Juggalos, a five-day festival that draws Juggalos and Juggalettes from all over to Cave-in-Rock, Illinois. It promises "spectacles unlike anything you've ever seen before," so this ain't your grandma's festival: rappers, comedians, magicians, freak shows and, of course, the Insane Clown Posse.
As Tila Tequila was actually pelted with bottles, rocks and human feces at the 2010 festival, you could say the Juggalos are a tough crowd, so it takes serious bravery to get on stage. We asked comedian Jared Logan, who's about to perform at the Gathering for the first time, for his thoughts on this momentous occasion.
First of all, would you consider yourself to be a Juggalo?
I am a Juggalo.
Like a card-carrying, makeup-wearing Juggalo?
I've never worn the makeup before, and I don't think they give out cards, but I'm intrigued by their message and I think it's one that we should listen to -- that's why I decided to do the show. Because I wanna hear what they have to say. I wanna become part of the madness.
What would you say their message is?
It can be an angry message. I think it's a section of society that people don't often really listen to, expressing their anger. Kind of talking about the state the world is in, which is not a good state, and I respect people doing that in the bloodiest, goriest, most violent way possible. I respect that.
Girls have to search high and low, through catalogs and basement bargain bins, for the perfect swimsuit that plays up our assets and draws attention away from shortcomings. Guys have it so much easier -- just buy plain shorts -- but some of you still don cringe-worthy swimwear every summer. Here are examples of beach attire to avoid. Forever.
Summer should theoretically be an easy time to meet girls. The sun is out, the beach is packed...oh wait, that's the problem -- the beach is an overcrowded meat market. Rather than wedging yourself in the sand between a guido and a baby's soggy diaper, try to think outside the box. Here are a few places to meet girls in the summer that aren't the same old joints.
It seems like there's a new frozen yogurt place opening on every block of every city nationwide. And this is because ladies, for the most part, love fro-yo. So get over to Yogurtland, Pinkberry, Red Mango or whatever spot is nearest you. (And then follow Fro-Yo Code.)
Might be worth a walk through the Dewey Decimal System just to see if any bookworm ladies home from college are looking for a study break. Worst case scenario, you pick up a sports biography or that last "Hunger Games" novel you never got around to.
Yeah, they are nightmares for traffic and your whole street smells like smoked meat for a couple days, but street fairs are also great places to meet girls. Hang out by the lemonade stand and see who you can chat up. Or stay by the guy who does caricature portraits and tell the ladies he's not doing their beauty justice. You're welcome.
When your relationship grows dull, it might be time to spice things up, and role-playing is definitely one way to accomplish that. Before you surprise your significant other with homemade cosplay outfits, though, here are some tips for getting her in on the act.
1. Don't Make Her Do Homework
So you have a longtime fantasy that your girlfriend plays the Jadzia Dax to your Worf, but she's never watched "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine"? Time to figure something else out, because she doesn't want to go watch a bunch of nerdery just to satisfy your teenage dream. That ship has sailed...but if she's a "Game Of Thrones" fan, see if she'd get on board with a Khal Drogo/Daenerys Targaryen situation.
2. Plan It In Advance
Have you begged her to speak with a British accent and call you "Prince Willy" during drunk sex? Maybe she's just not that into playing Kate Middleton while you smell like a sack of gin. Try planning it out ahead of time -- make it fun, text her about the props or costume pieces that you picked up for your Mr. T outfit. What, we don't know your life!
If Tan Mom has taught us anything, it's that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. (And that anyone can make a music video these days.) Don't let fun in the sun turn you into a lobster freak. Asking a friend to apply sunscreen to your back might be awkward, but you'll be in less pain than these guys...just make sure that friend is trustworthy.
Think the festival fun is over when summer ends? Think again. On October 19th, Jack Black and Kyle Gass, the comic rockers behind Tenacious D, are throwing Festival Supreme, a music and comedy fest of epic proportions, at the Santa Monica Pier in Los Angeles. Here are five reasons you should race to grab pre-sale tickets today at 1 p.m. ET.
1. Adam Sandler's Return To Music
Adam Sandler brought us classics like "Lunch Lady" and "The Chanukah Song," so it's safe to say he's got something big planned for his return to musical comedy. We're not the only ones anticipating his musical comeback; Jack Black told USA Today, "I'm looking forward to seeing what Adam has up his sleeve. Every time he sings a song, it becomes iconic."
2. Triumph Might Poop On Something
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog can always be counted on to bring the funny and turn a regular event into a s***show. We can't wait to see what he's going do at Festival Supreme.
It's not difficult to make your mom happy on Sunday. All she wants is a card...and flowers...and maybe credit at the spa...and one too many mimosas at brunch. But really, she just wants to be proud of you, which is difficult if you get arrested right before Mother's Day. She doesn't want to spend her special day arguing with a bail bondsman or the county sheriff, sorting out your mess. Here are few dudes who definitely blew it for Mom this week.
1. The Guy Who Got Attacked By An Alligator While Running From Cops
Photo: Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office
Fill this under "Only In Florida." Twenty-year-old Bryan Zuniga allegedly bailed from his car during a traffic stop, scaled a fence and evaded police...but just when he thought he'd ditched the fuzz, he came face-to-face with an alligator behind a water-treatment plant. He survived, but Mom has to spend Mother's Day putting ointment on his alligator bites. Read More...
So you've decided to make the leap from living in a place that smells like Doritos and sweat to a place with curtains and a working doorbell. No, you're not moving back in with your parents; you and your girlfriend are moving in together! Congratulations!
This can be a lot of fun and a great step in your relationship...but it can also be a nightmare if you don't know what you're getting into. And you need to consider that your life is going to change a little. Here are some tips for successfully adjusting.
1. Be Absolutely Certain
Cohabitation is a big move and there's really no going back. (Just try saying, "I'd like to keep dating you, but I'd rather live with my old roommate again...is that cool?") Make sure you aren't moving in with your girlfriend for the cheaper rent or just because she's pressuring you. Even if you're always at her place or she's always at yours, that doesn't necessarily mean you're emotionally ready to combine sock drawers.
2. Do Your Part With The Chores
Some guys expect their live-in girlfriends to cook, clean and do the grocery shopping while they just kill spiders and maybe take out trash once per week. Sorry, dude, that fantasy only exists on "Mad Men." There are no gender specific chores anymore. Here's your apron...what's for dinner?
3. Keep In Touch With Your Boys
Make sure not to fall into a domestic black hole with your lady and then forget about your friends. Do a night out with the guys--it's a good way for you and her to have some healthy time apart. Just remember that when you come home, you're crawling into bed with a sleeping, sober person who doesn't care for your booze-breath and snoring.