Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
The holiday movie season is upon us. Film studios are busy promoting dozens of huge-budget blockbusters in attempts to lure families (who are sick of interacting with each other over roasted turkeys) into theaters. Some studios will even sneak a few "thrown-together" horror movies into their release schedule during this time. That may seem a little weird, considering this is the season for cheer, but someone has to cater to the lonely guys in black eyeliner and families who find it cathartic to watch murders onscreen, so they don't kill each other.
The Wait List noticed this trend of horror films and produced a movie trailer of their own, "Back Spasms." The terrifyingly funny video will leave you laughing and watching your back...for random, painful spasms.
The results for our "Guy Code" Season 1 Bracket of Wisdom are in! Melanie Iglesias's Getting Freaky has beat out The Crew's Julian McCullough with 69% of the vote (seriously, that's the real percentage). She's taking home the big prize, or trophy, or whatever we've got lying around the office. We'll give it to her to commemorate this incredible triumph. In a field rich with wisdom, the winning nugget was offered by a hot chick, which is essentially the only way useful advice effectively works on a man. So maybe this result shouldn't be terribly surprising.
What was Ms. Iglesias's winning bit of knowledge? It was this:
"You know you've gone too far when your partner just stops having sex with you."
Well put, Melanie, well put. If that sort of blabber came out of a man's mouth, all we'd hear is a droning hum while we scanned the horizon for something more interesting. Watch Guy Code on MTV2 for more words to live by (sometimes delivered by hot girls). Also, check back with Clutch later this week--we'll have an exclusive clip from the upcoming special "Guy Code Spring Break Survival Guide" airing April 10 at 11 p.m. on MTV2.
Professional athletes can be incredibly intense dudes. They're passionate, competitive and sometimes celebrate by touching each other's butts. It's an accepted form of encouragement and celebration, as long as everyone's got their uniform on. We're unofficially coining these as "bromosexual moments. " These guys are being so "bro" it's borderline "homosexual."
We've all seen the "Good Hustle" butt slap, or the few-seconds-too-long embrace of two MMA fighters. What we're saying is, there's often a fine line between wrestling and dry humping. Sometimes lines are crossed, and things get a little weird, for better or worse. Nothing wrong with that, we're all human. Male dogs hump each other to show dominance, so why can't male athletes slap a butt, or kiss another player on the mouth once in a while? Read More...
Typically, rap battles work like most battles in that there are two contenders who are both aware of the fact that they're battling. So what do you do if you can't find someone to battle? Easy, you just take to the streets and face the world. That's what King Supernuts (Victor Varnado) and Shockwave (Chris Sullivan) did in their very funny video "Battle The World." They hit the gritty streets of New York City and challenge everything in their path, even if it's a paint can.
This isn't some one-on-one, short-lived beef to build hype, this is one of the boldest MCs alive traveling with his crew (which consists of a singular hype man) and fighting a rap war. King Supernuts' skills are so on point and his rhymes are so sharp, that no one will take him on. His enemies are nameless, unaware and completely unwilling to participate.
"Mad Men's" Jon Hamm basically called Kim Kardashian an idiot in an Elle U.K. interview this month. He was trashing reality TV and the celebrity status of its biggest stars.
"Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a f***ing idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly."
It sounds like a quote from "Mad Men" where Don Draper addresses his colleagues after a clueless client leaves the room. People have been giving Hamm flack about it, assuming that some of Don Draper's misogynistic tendencies have leaked over into the actor's brain, but his opinion is a fairly common one.
Of course, Hamm's statement has not been well received by Ms. Kardashian. She did what any f***ing idiot does and responded via Twitter:
"I just heard about the comment Jon Hamm made about me in an interview. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We're all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, 'stupid,' is in my opinion careless."
Hamm hasn't responded yet, but we're hoping he does so as Don Draper...which means he'll corner Kim in a hallway and reach up her dress.
Way back in November, Jose Canseco was gearing up for a boxing match against fellow MLB retiree Lenny Dykstra. Mr. Dykstra ended up bailing on the bout, but Shaq decided he'd be the perfect candidate to fill in. He reached out to UFC President Dana White via Twitter, saying, "What up Dana whiteI wanna fight jose conseco [sic] hook it up"
Dana didn't seem to take the offer seriously and a bout was never arranged, but Canseco considered it a valid challenge. Fast-forward to March and it seems the thought of going head to head with Kazaam is still on Canseco's mind. As Buzzfeed pointed out earlier today, Canseco is calling out Shaq via Twitter months later.
Canseco started out with a few poorly worded, gentle taunts like "hug for you," and "where are u I'm coming home. still wanna dance? lets hook up." The tweets ramped up to more blatant, beef-inspring calls to action, though still written in teenage girl text message language: "why are you dodging me i promise i won't hurt you 2 bad and wont use the forearm bash you will stay pretty for tnt," then added "shaqie poo where are you."
When one of Canseco's followers asked if he planned to take the fight to the street, or if he was hoping for something sanctioned, the former ball player wrote back, "mma ground and pound the big fella thought he was a man or his word."
No word from Shaq as of yet, but based simply on size, we'd have to put our money on Shaq. The only way Canseco would have a shot is if he spent the four months it took to respond guzzling creatine and hitting the gym.
Happy International Women's Day! MTV Clutch loves women, especially when they're flirting with us--something that doesn't happen often enough, quite frankly.
There are a myriad indications that a woman is flirting with you: flipping hair, batting eyelashes, reaching for pepper spray. They've all got their little way of saying, "Notice me, please, but I don't want you to notice me noticing you. So just notice me, but not too much because that would be weird." What we're saying is, we still find women somewhat confusing.
It's always nice to notice a pretty lady glancing in your direction and sending you a confusing smile. To brighten your day and celebrate beautiful women, MTV Clutch has collected 10 GIFs of gorgeous female celebrities flirting with you. Or, at least, you can pretend you're making eyes across the bar with them, even if, in reality, you're sitting in your poorly lit cubicle dreading an afternoon meeting, or cooped up in your mom's basement. Enjoy.