Peter Hoare

An Ode To The Greatest Flight Ever: Los Angeles to Las Vegas

Posted 3/20/13 12:00 pm EST by Peter Hoare in Funny

Credit: Karl Weatherly/Getty Images

When R. Kelly passionately sang "I Believe I Can Fly", he could have only been referencing one glorious flight – LAX to LAS. That's right, Los Angeles to Las Vegas.

Whether you live in the Golden State or not, we strongly urge you to somehow, someway put yourself on one of those short but oh-so-sweet flights. There's just something about a 45-minute flight that makes a man feel good. The brevity at which you travel from one state to the next makes you feel like a hot shot--even though the flights are generally priced under $60 bucks. Either way, it's a flight just long enough to simultaneously enjoy both an overpriced Heineken and a "Seinfeld" rerun, but also short enough where you're in no way inconvenienced. There's no trying to fall asleep. There's no battle for armrest real estate. No, there's only one thing: Hope.

As any party-loving gambler can attest to, while en route to Vegas, there are no "maybes." There are no "I hopes." And there certainly aren't any "I probably won'ts". No, there's nothing but positivity--woefully illogical positivity. You will hook up with the hottest girl. You will win an astounding sum of money playing craps. You will have the greatest f***king time you ever had!

+ For more on flying, watch last night's "Guy Code" online here
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Tags flights, Las Vegas, Vegas

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The Most Inappropriate Songs For Dancing With Your Mom

Posted 3/12/13 1:00 pm EST by Peter Hoare in Funny

Credit: Jena Cumbo/Getty Images

At every wedding, there's that moment where the groom shares a heartfelt dance with his mother. By all intents and purposes, it's one of the most proud and memorable moments of any mom's life. However, if there's one thing that could change all that, it'd be choosing one of these songs for that touching dance. In fact, we don't even think it's right to be in the same room as your mom while listening to any of these.

"Wait (The Whisper Song)" by Ying Yang Twins

There would be nothing more awkward than having your mom's head resting on your shoulder while the Ying Yang Twins' lyrics like "Wait till you see my d***" and "Beat the p***y up, beat the p***y up" play throughout a reception hall.

For more on moms, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
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Tags 2 Live Crew, akinyele, David Banner, khia, Moms, the ying yang twins, wedding songs

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In Defense Of Immaturity: A Juvenile Manifesto

Posted 3/5/13 2:00 pm EST by Peter Hoare in Funny, The Show

OLD_SKATER
Credit: Bernhard Lang via Getty Images

Maturity is almost universally referenced as being better than immaturity. "You're so immature" is often said with the same tone as "you're so stupid." But the more mature a person is, the less fun they tend to have. Shouldn't you enjoy life, even if you're (technically) an adult?

There's a difference between immaturity and just being a stunted adult, like a guy who lives with his parents until he's 39. If you sleep in the same twin bed in your 30s that you did as a child, you don't merely need to grow up; you need a therapist.

But there's nothing wrong with enjoying the same things you did as a kid, like reading comic books and playing classic Nintendo games. Why deny yourself something you once found fun, just because time's passed?

For more on maturity, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11p/10c on MTV2

Why You Shouldn't Complain About Your Ex

Posted 3/4/13 11:00 am EST by Peter Hoare in Relationships

couple fighting
Credit: Chris Tobin via Getty Images

Sometimes a breakup isn't a breakup. Sometimes a breakup is actually just a fight that gets labeled a breakup in haste. Sometimes your ex is your next...unless you've complained about her to everyone you mutually know.

Guys, when you break up with your girlfriend, keep your fat mouth shut. At least for a little while. If Facebook tells you anything, it's that people argue and then quickly reconcile all the time. But what happens in that interim--relationship purgatory if you will--often can't be undone.

An Ode To 5 Classic NES Cheat Codes

Posted 2/28/13 4:30 pm EST by Peter Hoare in Games

NES_CONTROLLER

Before "Call of Duty: Black Ops," before Xbox Kinect, even before the "Grand Theft Auto" series, there were just three simple letters--NES. If you're like me--a child of the '80s--you got hooked on video games by playing the original Nintendo. In terms of pro wrestling, while PlayStation 3 may be John Cena, the original Nintendo was Bruno Sammartino. The system is a classic.

We subscribed to Nintendo Magazine. We blew into our game cartridges when they weren't working properly. And we also entered a crap-load of cheat codes. So let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we? Check out some of the most memorable cheat codes in original Nintendo history.

"Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!"

Mike-Tysons-Punch-Out

Sure, everyone loves kicking Glass Joe and Soda Popinksi's asses, but sometimes you just wanna cut right to the chase and take on Mike Tyson himself. When you're in the mood to go to-to-toe with the big dog, here's what you do:

While in the "code" section, enter: 007 373 5963
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Tags cheat codes, contra, metroid, mike tyson's punch out, Nintendo, strider, Super Mario Bros., video games

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5 Ways To Make A Bartender Hate You

Posted 2/26/13 5:00 pm EST by Peter Hoare in Food, Funny, The Show

bartender Credit: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

When you hit the club/pub, you must--must--treat your barkeep with the proper etiquette, or else you'll get slow service (at best) and thrown out (at worst). Trust me, I used to sling drinks professionally, so I speak from experience. Here's the absolute worst Guy Code violations you can commit when interacting with your mixologist.

1. Ask For A Buyback

A buyback is a right, not a privilege. Nothing infuriates bartenders quite like hearing, "Hey, I already bought two--shouldn't this one be free?" People with this attitude rarely leave a good tip, and tend to yell about other annoying stuff. Just hang out, play the Megatouch machine and be cool. If you're a good customer, yes, you might wind up with a free Heineken...but ask and ye shan't receive.

2. Tip With Coins

You know who's glad to receive coins? A hobo. Your local barkeep (probably) isn't a hobo, and doesn't want your pocket change. If you leave a nickel or a dime as a tip at a bar, prepare to receive zero respect in that establishment. Sure, leave the two quarters if your Jameson & Ginger costs $3.50 and you paid with a fiver--but only if they're accompanied by the bill. Don't pocket that dollar; you're better than that.

For more on bar etiquette, watch the new "Guy Code" tonight at 11p/10c on MTV2

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