Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
As the next step in J.J. Abram's plan to become lord of the geeks, "Star Trek Into Darkness" is due to release this Friday. So before you go out to see the crew of the Starship Enterprise kick ass all over the galaxy and battle a villain played by the man with the world's most British name, Benedict Cumberbatch (really?), here are some lessons Star Trek can teach you about Guy Code.
Never Fight Your Best Friend
This one should be pretty obvious. The fight is almost always over something that pales in comparison to your friendship. Remember what happened that time Spock needed to get laid? Of course you do, no one could forget that cringe worthy fight music. Read More...
Even if you don't watch "Mad Men," which just came back for its sixth season, you have to admire the miracle of physics that is Christina Hendricks. Her body never ceases to amaze, yet you get the feeling that she could (literally and figuratively) tear out your heart...which somehow makes her even hotter, as you can see from Unreality's gallery of her 15 finest photos. Like this one from the, uh, Golden Globes:
Credit: Getty Images
(We don't know what's keeping that dress up, but it's clearly one of the strongest fabrics known to man...and possibly proof that God is a man.)
It's hard not to love "Game of Thrones," what with all the intrigue, sex, war, Natalie Dormer, beheading, betrayal and did we mention Natalie Dormer? But there's another reason to watch: You can actually learn some vital Guy Code lessons.
1. Loyalty To Your Bros
As a member of the Night's Watch, Jon Snow (everyone's favorite illegitimate son) has sworn off girls, so all he's got left are his buddies. Whether he's backing up Sam Tarly or saving the Lord Commander from the undead, Lord Snow's the kind of friend you want in a bar fight.
2. Don't Be "That Guy"
On the other end of the spectrum, we've got two of the worst Code Breakers on TV: Jaime Lannister and Joffrey Baratheon. On top of generally acting like a douche, Jaime's sleeping with his sister, the queen, a.k.a. the boss' wife. It's not a pretty combo.
Like father like son, all Joffrey does is talk about how awesome he is and threaten to put people's heads on spikes. His uncle even tries to get him laid, in a threesome no less, and what does he do? He has one girl beat the other to death. On top of it all, he treats his girl's family like crap. Major no-no.
It's April Fools' Day, so we feel compelled to honor the Crown Prince of Pranks, Bill Murray. He's part actor, part comedian and part mythological creature who appears in the strangest places, doing the greatest things.
1. Bill Murray Rolls Up On The Club, RZA And GZA In Tow
He showed up at the Austin bar Shangri-La during the SXSW festival with a quarter of the Wu-Tang Clan. And then volunteered his bartender services, only serving shots of tequila, regardless of what anyone actually ordered. Let's be real though: If you're lucky enough to have Bill Murray pour you a drink, you just drink it and don't ask questions.
Between wars, embargoes and trade agreements, global politics has enough drama to fill a season of "DeGrassi." Actually, international relations is a lot like high school, and nowhere is high school drama more on display than at house parties. So if you scratch your head after watching CNN, here's a familiar way of understanding foreign affairs.
1. America -- The Upperclassman
The good ol' USA is kinda like that aging senior: definitely still cool, but he totally peaked junior year (back when he had an economy). Some people say he's kind of a dick, 'cause he has a history of kicking people's asses when they piss him off, but his friends swear he's different one on one, and a good guy at heart. So even though he's not the life of the party like he used to be, hanging with him and his bros is where you wanna be.
2. Canada -- The Guy You Invite Out Of Guilt
Your awkward friend from grade school. You've got stuff in common, sure, but you just can't take him seriously. Still, you invite him over because otherwise you'd feel terrible about yourself...seriously, though, what's up with the beer he brought?
Spring break is over, and you're back in the doldrums of your regular routine. Reality has hit you like a Mac truck. (How can it be snowing in late March? You were just at the beach!) Fortunately, we've got some tricks for making the transition to normal life a smooth one.
1. Don't Order Tropical Drinks
When you're on vacation, it's fine to drink a piña colada. But now that you're back at home, it's gotta stop or else you'll fantasize about sand and sunshine. Nothing says welcome back to the drudgery of everyday life like a harsh swig of whiskey after a week of margaritas; it'll toughen you right back up.
2. Eat A Salad
Chances are you ate like crap for 20 or so consecutive meals. Nobody eats healthily on vacation, but now it's time to give your stomach actual nutrients instead of more fried food. Find something green and gnaw on that for while.
Taking a burglary suspect to a local police station would've been enough to warrant "Today's Badass" status. But doing it dressed as Batman goes above and beyond.
Yes, the Caped Crusader is real. He might be fat and British, but he's real. According to a spokesperson for the West Yorkshire Police, "The person who brought the wanted man into the station was dressed in a full Batman outfit. His identity, however, remains unknown."
It's also a mystery how the portly vigilante managed to capture the 27-year-old alleged miscreant. Probably with the help of a kindly old butler full of inspirational speeches?
Clearly a fan of the oldies, the real-life superhero wore Adam West's 1960s version of the costume. We're hoping it's not the last we see of this wannabe Dark Knight. And if he keeps fighting crime, maybe he'll even lose a few pounds in the process.
In case you've been living under a rock (or under Jabba the Hutt), Disney bought the rights to "Star Wars," and J.J. Abrams will helm a seventh film in the franchise. It's awesome news, because George Lucas wasn't exactly the best caretaker of his own work. But let's remember Lucas for the good times--long before Jar-Jar Binks--back when he taught us all we know about being dudes...