Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
Photo: "Cinnamon Challenge + Pepper Spray" via YouTube
Internet memes seem like harmless wastes of cyberspace and people's time--both those who perform them and those who view them--but some can be surprisingly dangerous. Like the cinnamon challenge, in which a dumbass chokes down a spoonful of tasty cinnamon and then turns into a cloudy, coughing mess. It makes for sweet GIFs, but doctors have just warned that it causes serious respiratory problems.
It's not the only meme that has caused serious medical (or legal) problems for people who'll do anything for 15 minutes of Reddit fame. Here are other instances of memes maiming.
1. Flash Mobs
At first, these publicly organized dance-offs were just a fun way of annoying bystanders and mall shoppers. Then they suddenly took a weird, violent turn. One of the worst happened earlier this month in Chicago when hundreds of teenagers took control of the city's downtown area. The massive gathering turned into a full-blown riot that ended with a number of assaults and several arrests. The only upside to the incident is that it could inspire the most kick-ass episode of "Glee" ever. Read More...
It's probably too late to expand the category to include cinema's best breasts of 2012, but here are our five nominations. (Well, 10 technically.) Either way, we'll be watching on Sunday at 9 p.m. EST.
We all know it's important to do the right thing and wear protection, but that doesn't mean we're enthusiastic about it. Well, Bill Gates has heard our prayers and will give $100,000 to the scientist or engineer who designs a less cumbersome rubber that "significantly preserves or enhances pleasure." As long as we're rebooting the condom, here are some much-needed, high-tech upgrades. (And no, we DON'T mean bacon flavoring.)
1. Make Them Invisible
See those goofy colors in the photo above? No guy wants his raging boner to be Day-Glo. Yet, for some reason, condoms often look like birthday balloons. And even normal-colored ones are unsexy. If scientists can create a real-life "Harry Potter" invisibility cloak, they can make condoms vanish to the, uh, naked eye.
You're sitting at the bar, just trying to enjoy a tasty beverage, when some jerk accuses you of eyeballing his girlfriend. He looks down at you, sticks a big meaty finger in your face and asks if you'd like to step outside. You've got two choices: either run in fear (leaving a trail of urine behind for him to follow) or stand your ground. If you go for the second option, here's a bunch of responses that will just make the situation worse.
1. "Right after I finish this Sea Breeze, it's on!"
2. "I'll be there! May I change my underpants first?"
Like every serious relationship, every serious friendship will face a test of strength. If you're lucky, it's just helping your pal move, or faking an alibi for him. But some of us have to deal with a more delicate challenge.
A long time ago, one of my best friends got dumped. Turns out, his girlfriend had feelings for me. Even though I didn't want to hurt my friend, let's just say the blood left my brain. Here's what I learned, and what you'll learn too if you ever make the same mistake.
1. The Sex Is Awesome
It's shameful to admit, but knowing that our hookup could be harmful and hurtful only enhanced the experience. There was a huge element of risk involved, which made the physical experience beyond incredible. If you've ever had sex in public, you know what I'm talking about--especially if you've had sex on a roller coaster.
For more on your boy's girlfriend, watch "Guy Code" Tuesday at 11p/1oc on MTV2
Men and woman have been kissing forever, right? Actually it's a relatively new behavior for humans. Social scientists have no idea why we make out, except that it feels awesome and stops her from asking you "what are you thinking?" Here's some other surprising trivia about smooching...
1. The Wedding Kiss Originated In Ancient Rome
Kisses were used to finalize contracts. The practice continues today every time you kiss your boss's ass.
2. The Term "French kiss" Started As A Slur
In the 1920s, the British poked fun at the decadent French custom of swirling tongues.
3. Public Kissing Is A Crime In Indonesia
Punishable by five years in prison. Not the worst way to stop PDA.
For more on kissing, watch "Guy Code" Tuesday at 11p/1oc on MTV2
Children of the 1980s and '90s might find themselves experiencing a mental flashback when Comedy Central's "Workaholics" asks, "What Would Kurt Loder Do?" on tonight's episode. This sneak peek clip brought us right back to the days when Kurt kept us informed on all the latest music happenings at MTV News...
For such a straitlaced-seeming reporter, Kurt's actually a super interesting guy. So, what would Kurt Loder do?" Well, here's a few surprising things...
Yesterday we told you all about the weirdest patron saints, but most of us don't have hemorrhoids or lose our keys often enough to necessitate divine intervention. Good thing there's a saint for every dude's ecumenical needs. Whenever a guy needs assistance from on high, these beatified bros have our backs. They're like our celestial wingmen.
1. St. Sebastian, the Patron Saint of Athletes
Every sports fan has gotten on his knees and asked God to bring his team a win in its most dire moments. So the Church dedicated a saint to the protection and perseverance of athletes. He even has his own holiday, St. Sebastian's Feast on January 20, because NFL fans can't have enough smorgasbords leading up to their annual Super Bowl party.
Watch "Guy Code" tackle Religion as a topic tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
In the real world, you don't think of pastors and rabbis as violent foulmouthed antiheroes. Clergymen are supposed to be kindhearted, humble souls who preach love, charity and forgiveness. In Hollywood, however, some of 'em take no prisoners, in their own special, pious ways.
1. Jacob Fuller ("From Dusk Till Dawn")
This former preacher sent half an army of vampires to hell before sacrificing himself in the process. He steps up and does the right thing in a time of extreme crisis, even if that means breaking one of the Ten Commandments.
For more on religion, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
As someone who gets boners, it's easy to assume you know everything about 'em. They go up when you're at a strip club, they go down (we hope) when you're at grandma's house... what else is there to learn?
Well, plenty, as you'll discover from tonight's "Guy Code" Season Three premiere on MTV2. To prepare you, we've collected the most bizarre penis facts on the Internet. (There is no good way to explain our Google search history to our girlfriends right now...)