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Gold Medal Babes: Vote On Hottest Olympic Field Hockey Team

Posted 7/31/12 5:00 pm EST by in Ladies, Sports


Credit: Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images

You remember women's field hockey, right? It's that sport a lot of the wholesome, non-threateningly attractive girls in your high school played. I seem to remember our team consisting of several freckled chicks. It's a weird sport. It's pretty low-key (you can only use one side of the stick!), which isn't surprising since skirts are part of the official uniform. Anyway, turns out the international game is filled with hotties. Specifically the Netherlands. That squad of Dutch beauties will be tough to beat in this edition of Gold Medal Babes, but you never know how the votes will shake out.

The Netherlands


Credit: Daniel Berehulak/Getty Images

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Today's Dumbass: Padded Wall Attacks Kyrie Irving

Posted 7/16/12 3:00 pm EST by in Sports, Today's Dumbass


Credit: Diamond Images/Getty Images

Oh, Cleveland. You never catch a break. You nab budding superstar and Rookie of the Year Kyrie Irving. But just when he's going into straight SWAG-mode, he goes and breaks his hand, Amar'e Stoudemire style. Irving turned the ball over in practice (PRACTICE, y'all) and punched a padded wall in frustration, breaking his right hand, reports Cleveland.com.

It wasn't quite as dumb as Stoudemire going "Office Space" on a fire extinguisher, but still, he'll need surgery and will miss six to eight weeks. That said, you gotta like the fire. One week he's challenging Kobe to 1-on-1, the next he's getting righteously pissed during a measly off-season PRACTICE, y'all. Kid's got heart/grit/moxy/whatever intangible word Rick Reilly would use. Also, we thought baseball had the monopoly on strange injuries. We expect it from those guys; half of them are too fat to be considered elite athletes. But you NBA guys, get it together!

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Beef Update: Tony Parker Sues Over Chris Brown-Drake Brawl

Posted 6/22/12 10:30 am EST by in Celebs, Hip-hop, News


Credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

San Antonio Spurs guard and Eva Longoria ex Tony Parker was right in the middle of the fight between the crews of Chris Brown and Drake at a New York club on June 14. The Frenchman claims he was there because he's friends with Brown, and so was right in the middle of the brawl, taking a few punches which left him with "a corneal laceration of the left eye and other injuries."

How do we know all this? From court papers, because Parker is suing the nightclub for $20 MILLION! Gah, what a classic French move! Parker's case for the pricey punch? He thinks the owners should have known better than to let the two hip-hop rivals in the club at the same time, because of their tension over Rihanna. Look, this ain't exactly 2Pac and Biggie in '93, Tony. If you're gonna bar people from your establishments because a Twitter beef might escalate into a real-life brawl, then nobody would be allowed in any clubs.

We know the details are sketchy, but based on Brown getting pegged in the face and his celebrity pal getting clocked in the eye, it sure seems like Drake's crew was victorious, doesn't it?

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Today's Badass: Man Saws Off Own Foot To Avoid Work

Posted 3/26/12 3:00 pm EST by in News, Today's Badass

Credit: Topical Press Agency/Hulton Archive

You may say you "hate" your job. But hate is a strong word. You probably don't enjoy your job, but you grudgingly tolerate it. That is not hate.

Ladies and gentlemen (mostly gentlemen), let me introduce you to hating your job, via Reuters: A 56-year-old Austrian man was scheduled to meet with the labor office to determine whether he was fit for employment. So, hours before the meeting, the guy decided to saw off his own foot, thus ensuring that he wasn't fit for the rat race. And to think, he was so close to retirement age!

Just to make sure he wouldn't end up with a reattached foot and thus the ability to return to the working world, he tossed the foot into the oven, so that when the EMT's got to the scene it was too charred to be salvaged. Sadly, unless Austria has some sort of discriminatory law against hiring people with one foot, this is a short-term solution at best.

But that's not what matters. What matters is that this is the most grizzled man ever. It's like "127 Hours," only he was trapped for 490,560 hours under the boulder of LIFE. What the hell gnarly-ass job did this man have that made him think chopping off a body part was a better alternative? Was he a mass grave excavator? A puppy skinner? Khloe Kardashian's bikini waxer?

Many would have filed this under Today's Dumbass, but we have to applaud this man for his dedication to living the dream of a life without work. Sometimes you have to destroy (and roast in the oven) to build.

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Breaking Babe: Don Draper's New Wife In 'Mad Men' Jessica Paré

Posted 3/26/12 12:00 pm EST by in Breaking Babe, Ladies, TV

Courtesy of AMC

"Mad Men" returned last night, and in addition to watching our favorite womanizing band of stylish alcoholic racists, we got to see more of Don's lady Megan. A LOT more. This is a good thing.

Canadian actress Jessica Paré isn't a household name , but will be soon after her portrayal of Don's new wife last night. After giving a smoldering burlesque performance (singing in French = insta-chub), she introduced the world to housecleaning in your underwear, which ended in angry floor sex. Not exactly how things play out when our cleaning lady comes around. Again, this is a good thing.

But perhaps the '60s just don't do it for you. We get that. Well, good news: Pare can also do the '80s! She was in "Hot Tub Time Machine," topless (ah, now we get why Don Draper married her). In fact, she's been doing topless scenes since "Stardom" in 2000 and a full-on lesbian love scene in 20o1's "Lost and Delirious." We love French Canadians! Check out the screencaps of our new favorite Canadian below. (Sorry, Bryan Adams).
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Who Said It? Don Draper Or Tupac Shakur

Posted 3/23/12 2:38 pm EST by in Hip-hop, TV

Credit: AMC-Raymond Boyd/Michael Ochs Archives

"Mad Men" finally returns on Sunday with a 2-hour season premier, so we thought we'd test your knowledge of the show's iconic womanizer/idea man/swimmer Don Draper. We've paired the dapper ad guru with rap legend Tupac Shakur--because, why not--to see if you can identify quotes from the two ballers. Trust us, it's a lot harder than it sounds.

Draper may be the prototypical '60s white man, but he has a surprising amount in common with 2Pac, the not-so-prototypical '90s hip-hop star. For instance, both men came from a hardscrabble background, and they're supremely confident, relentlessly driven enigmas. And they are obsessed with death and resurrection. Sure, one of them isn't real, but humor us.

Below we've compiled 18 quotes from the two. See if you can guess who said each one. Answers are at the bottom.
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Today's Dumbass: Teachers Ban Kids From Having Best Friends

Posted 3/23/12 1:00 pm EST by in News, Today's Dumbass

Credit: Kent Nishimura/Getty Images

The common complaint against young'ns these days goes something like this: "They don't know anything about adversity, I mean, they don't even keep score in youth soccer. Everybody wins, it's like Communist Russia!" First of all, talk about #firstworldproblems. Second of all, dumbasses in Britain are taking that type of coddling to a new level. According to The Sun, some British schools are banning young students from having "best" friends.

The reasoning? They don't want the children to some day deal with the trauma of "breaking up" with a best friend. Um, what about the trauma of not having a Doritos-ravaging, Mountain Dew-fueled, video game-addicted sleepover every other week with your best fart buddy? Depriving a child of that is the same as depriving them of the very childhood you're trying to protect! Might as well put them in a depressing short-sleeved mustard yellow dress shirt with a brownish tie and send them to the office every morning.

The most perplexing thing about this is, when you're a kid, you don't break up with your best friend. You simply grow up and then realize in junior high that he's too cool for you or he doesn't shower, and then the two of you move on to your separate cliques. It just naturally dissolves, like an Alka-Seltzer tablet. Take away the Alka-Seltzer tablet, and you're left with an upset stomach and nobody to fart with.

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'Mad Men' And Michael Bay Spark Nerd Uprising

Posted 3/21/12 1:30 pm EST by in Funny, Movies, News, TV

Credit: Jason Kempin/Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

So it turns out nerds have some power (thanks to the nerd who invented the internet) and those nerds are staging an insurrection! First, music and history geeks got all hot and bothered after watching screeners of the season premiere of "Mad Men." Apparently the new season takes place in (minor spoiler) 1966, but the song during the closing credits, "The Look of Love", wasn't released until 1967. After critics inundated series mastermind Matthew Weiner with comments pointing out the inaccuracy, Weiner swapped in a different song for the final cut. Score one for nerds.

Then, when discussing his forthcoming reboot of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, nerd frenemy Michael Bay said his version of the heroes in a half shell would be aliens, which caused everyone everywhere to completely lose their s***. What about the Ooze?! It's Teenage MUTANT not Teenage ALIEN!

Bay channeled his inner Michelangelo (to be clear: NOT the artist), telling the angry fans to chillax, because he was working closely with the TMNT creator so as to prevent any legacy-sullying. Score another one for nerds.

It's clear the link between fan and creator has never been more symbiotic - a trend that seems to have started with "Lost," which has been dubbed "one of the most interactive" TV shows ever. But with nerd power comes nerd responsibility, which is basically just the responsibility to not equate a perceived slight with RAPE*, which is exactly what the original voice of Michelangelo did.

*Unless you're "South Park." Those dudes can do anything they want.

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Today's Badass: Parents Prank Sleeping Child [VIDEO]

Posted 3/21/12 11:37 am EST by in Funny, Today's Badass, Video

To us non-parents, most of parenthood seems like a mundane slog through a diaper-wiping, fruit punch-stained version of hell. As a parent, your main task is to keep your drooling kid from turning his brain into jelly by conking his head on every hard surface in the house.

That's why when we see parents such as Today's Badasses, it gives us hope. Parenthood doesn't have to be all baby wipes and tears. Your kid trusts you unconditionally, which makes him a perfect target for an awesome prank! The parents in the below video punk the s*** out of their kid during his impromptu stroller nap at some theme park. Some child advocates may argue otherwise, but we think they're the most badass parents around. I mean, just look at that kid. It's obvious that he had it coming. Enjoy the video below, care of The Big Lead.

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Today's Badass: One-Armed Pole Dancing Champion

Posted 3/20/12 10:30 am EST by in Ladies, News, Today's Badass

Credit: Telegraph.co.uk

From the Huff Post comes this heartwarming story of one-armed Deborah Roach of Australia, who took home gold at the International Pole Championship in Hong Kong. First of all, how did Vegas drop the ball on hosting this event? This is like holding a Dungeons and Dragons convention in the "Jersey Shore" house, it's JUST NOT RIGHT.

Anyway, Roach is sending a wonderful message to the young women of the world: that no matter what ails you, no matter your shortcomings, you shall overcome. You can step up onto life's metaphorical stage and twirl around that proverbial pole provocatively. For money.

"Gloria Steinem we've made it!" feminists are surely shouting. Because, you see, "the championships focus on 'pole art,' which emphasizes the fitness and creativity components of pole routines." So now when you go to the strip club, you can just tell your gal you were taking in an interactive art show.

Watch Roach in action below, via The Telegraph. We have to say, her routine's a little clunky, but hey, we're not much into art so what do we know?

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