Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
"Soon all you could hear were the delicate gags and slurps from the girl on screen. I breathed deeply and looked around. I don't know what I expected." One dude's recollections from a recent porn screening party.
Oftentimes the world isn't a fair place. Bad things happen to good people, crimes go unpunished, the girl you love prefers to stay with a douche bag who treats her like garbage.... It can seem like a cold, uncaring universe out there.
Every now and then, however, there's evidence of cosmic justice. We're not getting all religious on you -- we're just saying that sometimes, jerks and morons get what's coming to them. And sometimes those comeuppances are captured in glorious photographs like the GIF above. Head over to the Chive for more reasons to treat others with kindness.
We're not typically attracted to splotchy skin. And yet, there's something magical when you can see the shape of chicks' bikinis/underwear in suntan form. How does it make any sense? What explains this phenomenon?
Maybe we're overanalyzing here. Really, we should just kick back on our beach towel and admire the (semi-NSFW) scenery over at the Chive. We should also apply sunscreen evenly, because we're pretty sure that women don't find our tan lines nearly as attractive.
Damien Lemon from "Guy Code" (and soon, "Guy Court") is back with a new episode of his web series "D.Lemon in the Morning." In it, the ratings for his morning talk show are sliding and management isn't happy. He needs to bring in cash for the network, but he's not so sure about accepting advertisements from an unlicensed plastic surgeon.
Cosmetic surgery was a hot topic on last night's "Girl Code." (Hot as in controversial, not hot as in boob implants are hot.) Whether you're for or against getting work done, we can all agree that a medical degree should be a prerequisite for entering the profession...or else you'll just end up with madness like this:
A guy should make decisions based on all the data available, and "Girl Code" is a treasure trove of information. (Even if you make decisions based on all the tequila available, "Girl Code" is still a treasure trove of info.) Here are the lessons for guys from last night's two episodes.
1. Girls Don't Want You To Be Whipped
They might think they want a guy to dote on them hand and foot ("to be...a drone on the queen," as Jessimae Peluso puts it), but they actually want a guy who stands up for himself. Tanisha Long says it's a turnoff when a dude can't be apart from her for five seconds, and Carly Aquilino is even blunter: "It's nice to fight every once in a while -- I just want you to tell me I'm a bitch, then I want to cry and then have sex."
2. Keep Cool During A Pregnancy Scare
Easier said than done, of course, but the "Girl Code" gals concur that paranoia comes all too easily. Sore boobs are usually just sore boobs, not a symptom. So chill out unless your girl actually tests positive, at which point feel free to completely lose your s***.
Every guy in a relationship has heard the words, between sobs, "Don't try to fix it. I just need you to listen." But we don't listen, because the request doesn't make any sense. Our girlfriend has a problem, we have a logical solution... but she doesn't want to hear it and thus solve the problem? She just wants to talk about it? What does talking solve?
Filmmaker Jason Headley can't explain this phenomenon -- no man can -- but he'll certainly make you feel less alone with "It's Not About The Nail," his new comedy short about... well, we don't want to spoil it for you, but it "hammers" home the point that sometimes, you just have to resist the urge to be Mr. Fix-It.
Yeah, our country can be over the top (as you'll see when "Ain't That America With Lil Duval" premieres July 9 on MTV2), but that's why we love it. Just like we love these ridiculously patriotic photos from our friends at the Chive. Well, George Washington riding a bald eagle with a grenade launcher is more of an illustration than a photo, but we'd like to think it's historically accurate.