Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.
We're halfway convinced that Florida isn't a state so much as a portal to an alternate universe where chaos is the only logic. A wildly disproportionate number of "Today's Dumbasses" hail from the Sunshine State, and each new day seems to bring at least one story that's too bizarre to be true, usually involving booze and nudity.
Woman Runs Over Duck Who Wouldn't Accept Her Offer Of Candy
A Tarpon Springs woman was arrested and accused of intentionally driving over and killing a duck. The duck allegedly wouldn't approach the woman to accept a piece of candy from her. One witness said she had "stalked" the duck prior to the incident and this is why animals should really stay off Adult Fowl Finder.
Man Tried Exorcism On 80-year-old Girlfriend
It's the classic tale of man and woman getting into a lover's quarrel, so -- in an attempt to get her to see things his way -- he tried to get the devil out of her. Did we mention she was 80 years old and he's 56 years old? Did we mention this isn't the Middle Ages? Did we mention he took the batteries out of the house phone to keep her from calling for help and rigged the garage door so it wouldn't open and she couldn't leave? Did we mention the reason for all this was because "she is crazy," according to the boyfriend? Did we mention these stories get crazier, because they do.
Woman Arrested For Yelling "It's T*tty Time!' At Various Bar Patrons
Here are her exact words, as police cuffed her for indecent exposure: "It's t*tty time, I'll take everything off. I am getting arrested for indecent exposure! I'll give you something to look at, baby, I'll take everything off! Oh, yes, baby I'll take it all off, OK." And now you've got your senior yearbook quote.
We wish you a hair-free Christmas! A man's gotta take care of himself, but most of us are too lazy and stubborn to buy new products for our morning routines. That's why the holidays are the perfect time to give and receive stuff that will make us look good, smell better and feel fantastic.
Of course, you probably shouldn't give a manscaping device to a fellow guy -- that's a little too personal -- unless it's something funny like the Mangroomer Do-It-Yourself Back Hair Shaver. Likewise, giving a dude a bar of soap could hurt his stinky feelings, but a nice bottle of cologne (or one that's ironically shaped like a cigar) is a classy present. And bacon-scented anything is always a welcome gift, even though bacon doesn't typically belong in the bathroom, because society wants to keep us all down.
Here are grooming essentials that will make perfect stocking stuffers, plus some gag gifts to make any dad or brother smile.
Back in August, Melanie Iglesias gave mankind a super early Christmas present by licking ice cream on YouTube for one spectacular minute. We probably don't have to remind you, because it's permanently seared into your memory. But since today's Friday and you deserve a frozen treat, here it is again...
The holidays are coming up soon, which means you'll be spending lots of time with the family. Of course, you'll want to play the latest decapitate-a-thon or bloody first-person shooter -- however, these might reduce Mom to a pearl-clutching mess. No worries, though, we've got your back with a grip of fun titles that li'l bro can play...and you'll secretly enjoy, also.
1. "Super Mario 3D World" (Wii U)
Mario's back on the Wii U and he's brought all his friends. Taking a few cues from the smaller, portable "3D Land" title, "3D World" promises bigger levels and more fun. There are even new power ups such as Cat Mario. What makes "SM3DW" a great title for the family is vibrant colors, fun themes and lighthearted gameplay. It's perfect for getting a younger brother involved in games.
2. "The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds" (3DS)
Take another trip down memory lane with this spiritual successor to the Super Nintendo title of days gone by. With updated graphics, a fantastic remixed soundtrack and tricky dungeons, this is a great entry into the world of Zelda. Older players will love the classic feel and newcomers will have a kid-friendly romp.
It's the most wonderful time of the year for becoming a fatass, especially if your girlfriend wants to make holiday-themed desserts together. But traditional yuletide cookie-cutters might not be your style, so we've got some alternative suggestions to add a little Christmasculinity. Bake up these bad boys, and you'll feel like a real gingerbread man.
Every Wednesday before "Guy Court," we're debating a Guy Code violation using the Twitter hashtag #trialbycode, and the ladies of "Girl Code" are playing defense attorney.
Back in season one, "Guy Code" explained the rules of being a wingman: You talk your friend up and make him look good. But what if your boy is his own worst enemy? You try to help, but he keeps ruining his own chances by making girls uncomfortable. Do you shut him down or teach him the way? That's the case we selected this week:
When does a wingman draw the line if his boy is creepin chicks out? #TrialByCode
After each new episode of "Girl Code," we're breaking down the big takeaways for guys. Ignorance is bliss, but knowing ladies' secrets to up your game is even better.
Your boner is your best friend -- he's got your back (well, your front) through thick and thin, good times and bad slightly less good times -- but ladies have a different relationship with it. "Guy Code" provided the male perspective on boners, and now the "Girl Code" gang is telling all...
1. They're An Acquired...Um...Taste
Like scotch and sushi, some things just can't be appreciated without a little familiarity. Pretty much the whole cast admitted they were freaked out by boners at first. "I felt it and I was so terrified," Nessa says. But they got over their fears, as Alesha Reneé describes: "When we're younger, it's like, 'Ewww, he's got a boner -- what's going on in those pants?' And now it's like, what's going on in those pants?'"
2. Boners Are A Non-Verbal Compliment
"I used to think [boners] were really gross, and now I think they're flattering," Jamie Lee says. And Tanisha Long is even more enthusiastic: "When I cause a boner, it is frickin' awesome." (Don't forget Melanie Iglesias telling us, "There's no bigger compliment than a boner.")
Sometimes, though, they're more of a chore than a compliment. "Boners are like pests," Jessimae Peluso says. "You've just gotta get rid of them, and there's only one way to do it. Well, there's a bunch of ways..."