The U.S. is a big nasty mess of crap weather right now--from hurricanes and flooding, to wildfires and massive thunderstorms. And yet, even with all that, there's not much snow to be found. That's why Erik Roner, the mad man you'll remember from the stunt series "Nitro Circus," hopped on a jet plane down to Chile. After a couple of flights and one delicious Cinnabon, Roner was among the snows of Portillo, where he did what any other complete maniac would do. You know, things like climb four hours up a mountain just to ski down it, do backflips off skis into a swimming pool and clean hotel toilets. All in a day's work for Erik Roner.
Photo: Sean Cliver
NFL fans are a special breed. Every year they throw down hundreds or even thousands of dollars to support their teams. And yet it's the fans who don't spring for expensive authentic jerseys--the fat, shirtless ones--that we appreciate most. You know the guys. They show up to the game looking like every other fat dude. But once past those gates, off comes the shirt and out flop the moobs. These men shake what their mother (and a fried foods addiction) gave them, much to the delight and occasional horror of their fellow fans. Today, as the NFL season is mere hours from kicking off, we salute the fat, shirtless NFL fans who remind us that maybe we don't need that 10th chicken wing after all.
Ever hear that story about how Michael Jordan didn't make his middle school basketball team? If you grew up a crappy athlete, you have (we have). The point of the story is that even the greatest basketball player of all time wasn't always great. He had to work hard to get that way!
This video of Louis C.K. talking about George Carlin reveals another story that teaches that same lesson. C.K., widely regarded as the funniest dude in the world right now, tells about how crappy his act was after 15 years as a stand-up--15 years! And about how it was a piece of wisdom from George Carlin that finally taught him how to be great. So the next time you're down about being terribly unfunny, remember Louis C.K. was once terribly unfunny too. Then go watch some George Carlin stand-up. It may make you feel even less funny, but at least it'll make you laugh.
Soulja Boy knows how to pick his battles (that's sarcasm; he doesn't know how to pick his battles). First he starts beef with hip-hop legend and brilliant pontificator Ice-T, a man who could use Soulja Boy as a toothpick, and now he's gone after the military, a group of people who SHOOT PEOPLE FOR A LIVING.
In his song "Let's Be Real," which, let's be real, few would care about if it didn't spawn this controversy, Soulja Boy has the lines: "F*** the FBI/And f*** all the Army troops/Bitch, be your own man/I'll be flying through the clouds/With green like I'm Peter Pan." Eesh. Telling the military to go eff itself is never wise, but doing it while the country is in two wars is just begging for backlash. And that's just what Soulja Boy got. A petition has been launched to ban Soulja Boy's material from military bases across the country, though we can't imagine much was there anyway, and solider turned rapper Sgt. Dunson has issued a response song called "Change Your Name."
What's a Soulja to do in the face of all this criticism? Back down and apologize, of course. In a post on Global Grind, Mr. Boy apologized to "all members of the United States military services, as well as their families that were offended by my most recent lyrics." You know what he's not sorry for though? All those people who just listened to a Soulja Boy song for the first time in five years.
Photos: Getty Images, Flickr
Look NBA players, we know Justin Bieber is very hot right now and you're very bored right now. We know your daughter or wife or, God forbid, your son, would think you're way cool if they saw you playing a pickup game with him. But it's a bad idea and you SHOULD NOT DO IT. Playing basketball with Bieber is the ultimate no-win situation. Either you look like a di** for dominating the little guy or you look like a sad old man for getting beat by him. It's like Cleveland: There's just no winning.
Steve Nash knows all about this. The NBA legend and arguably the greatest point guard in the history of the game (of course, you'd have to forget about Magic Johnson to make that argument) recently found himself on the court with his fellow Canuck and the result was bad. Well, nine seconds of it was bad. And naturally, those are the nine seconds that have made it to YouTube. What they show should serve as a warning to anyone thinking of lacing them up with the shrimpy Canuck (Bieber, not Nash). Watch it and realize what this means: If Justin Bieber can cross up Steve Nash, he can dunk on you.
Well, T.I. is co-writing a novel, and as anyone who's ever thanklessly toiled in the publishing business knows, that means he's slapping his name on the cover of a book written by some other dude. In this case that some other dude is David Ritz, an old, white bald guy with tattoos who's co-written a lot of biographies with legendary soul and R&B singers. He also wrote "Sexual Healing" with Marvin Gaye, which means he could crap on a piece of paper, tells us it's his next book and we'd still respect him.
So what is T.I.'s novel about? The streets, of course. According to the AP, it will tell the story of "two childhood friends torn apart by dangerous dealings on the streets of Atlanta." OK, enough making fun of T.I. If the guy can get some of his young fans to develop a non-vampire-y love of reading, that's a good thing by us! And if he can put a little more coin in David Ritz's pocket, that's awesome too. That guy needs to buy a new shirt.
Photo: Getty Images
It's not every day we're willing to bestow the honor of "Today's Badass" on a kid with no pubes and a girl's name. But it is today! Meet skateboarding prodigy Rene Serrano, a little twig of a kid who's the best young skater we've ever seen. He's got tons of tricks in his repertoire and the uncanny ability to LAND THEM ALL. Kid's balance is like Philippe Petit's! Right, guys? Crazy thing is, he's so young that he's only going to get better. Impossible you say? Wrong. Nothing is impossible for Rene. Except for having a dude's name (sorry, one too many times with that joke?).
If you're in the military, or know someone in the military, or have even watched a movie about the military, you know about the rock-solid bonds people form while trapped in war. That's what happens when you depend on someone else to stay alive. We bring this up because it's the only possible explanation for Jack White deciding to collaborate with the Insane Clown Posse. They're all from Detroit, the American city that most closely resembles Baghdad or 1980s Beirut. Since we've never seen White wearing clown makeup, spraying Faygo or attending The Gathering of Juggalos, ICP must have pulled him out of a Motor City foxhole in the past.
The song, which uses a melody sampled from Mozart, will be released on White's label in two weeks and is called "Leck Mich Im Arsch," which translates to "lick me in the arse." A song about arse licking is, of course, no surprise coming from ICP, nor from Mozart, a noted fan of scatological humor. But Jack White? Huh? Is he nursing a secret love for butt play? It's possible. Or did Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope once rescue him with a bottle of Faygo in the Detroit war zone? Yeah, that seems more likely.