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Welcome to GUY CODE, the official blog of MTV2's "Guy Code" series and your online destination for all things dude, including—but not limited to—irreverent commentary on sports, hip-hop and ladies. Stay awhile and flex your manhood.

Adam Morrison
Credit: Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

Expect to feel bad about your lack of accomplishments at least once during the NCAA Tournament. It might hit as you watch a 19-year-old perform some impossible athletic feat. Or maybe during a feature about the hardships some kid's overcome. Regardless of what brings it on, the sense of failure will make you reach for another delicious Cool Ranch taco.

But if you watch 'til the end of the game, you're sure to see one thing that'll make any guy on his couch feel superior to an athlete on TV: Uncontrollable sobbing when the buzzer sounds. It's an opportunity to remind yourself that, even though your meandering life is going nowhere, at least you've never turned into a blubbering baby on TV, like these guys...

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Mike-Bruesewitz2

Sometimes when I'm watching a Lakers game, I'll catch a glimpse of Steve Blake shuffling down the court with his weird head, and think to myself, "Seriously? He's in the NBA? I could beat that dude!" Obviously I'm wrong. Even though he looks like McLovin, Blake is actually a good basketball player. And compared to nonathletic dudes with one bad knee (like me), he's LeBron ChamberJordan.

College hoops is full of Steve Blakes--guys who look more like an usher in an arena than a player on the floor. And when you see these guys during the tournament, you're going to think, "I could beat that dude!" Rest assured, you can't.

Below is an All-Star team of those guys. Just remember, no matter how much they look like a trainer who snuck into a jersey, these guys are playing basketball on TV and you're sneaking around the office trying to watch them. There's a reason for that.

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Credit: Eat Cake and Be Merry

Let's get this out of the way first: Cakes should always be about tasting good, not looking good. We'll always prefer a cake that resembles a pile of human excrement and tastes like heaven to some fancy pants cake plastered in fondant.

That said, a cake that both looks AND tastes good is ideal. And we're guessing this three-layer beast with Ron Swanson's face on it fits that criteria. Created by cake blogger Liz Shim for her husband, this cake looks killer, tastes killerer (we're taking her word for it) and is dedicated to one of the best shows on TV. So in the spirit of the Internet, which mandates blogs to round-up photos of similar things, we present 16 more cakes dedicated to fantastic TV shows.

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Credit: Ethan Miller/Getty Images, Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

If one thing has defined the Republican Party's presidential primary, it's the electorate's short-lived love affairs with any candidate not named Mitt Romney. If it's been defined by two things, it's the memorable and outrageous things the Republican candidates say. From Mitt Romney's insistence that he's unemployed (the man is worth millions) to Rick Perry's claim that Juarez, Mexico is the most dangerous city in America, an outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease has swept across the GOP candidates. Sometimes those quotes are so outlandish, they could be pulled from a rap song. That's why we made this quiz, which poses the never-before-asked question: Who said it: Republican or rapper?

1. "I stand for what I believe in--family, God and honor."

2. "Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets."

3. "I'll die on that hill"

4. "I'll die before I lose, cause I was born to win."

5. "I want black people to be free"

6. "I want to shift the entire planet. And I'm doing it. I am now a famous person. I represent real power."

7. "Your child's future was the first to go with budget cuts."

8. "You wanna get rid of drug crime in this country? Fine, let's just get rid of all the drug laws."

9. "Men are basically little piglets. You drop them in the ditch, they roll around in it."

10. "Everybody wants a shot in this land of opportunity."

11. "You can say I’m a hater. But I would argue I’m a lover."

12. "When you closed your eyes I put my balls on your cheek."

13. "I purchased a gun when I was a young man."

14. "Come on, relax guy, I like gay men."

15. "Who let the dogs out"
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If you want to blow your hard earned money going to last weekend's AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, that's your business. If you want to spend all your time there posing with porn stars, that's also your business. But the moment you tweet that photo with the #AVN hastag, it becomes our business. Which means we're going to post it on this blog. And we're going to make fun of you.

So if you just spent a weekend posing for pictures with plastic hooters, look below, there might be a picture of you! If you didn't, look below, there are guys for you to laugh at!

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Kevin Kirkpatrick, a self-employed special effects makeup artist in Hollywood, has had a pretty good career. He's done work for movies such as "Sucker Punch" and " Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides." And yet, this blog, and we're willing to bet every other blog, has never mentioned him.

Today that changes. Because today we're not only mentioning Kirkpatrick, but getting on our hands and knees repeating "We're not worthy." And it's all due to Beavis and Butt-Head. Late last night Kirkpatrick posted the photos above and below of two life-like B&B sculptures he did for the "Conjoined 2" art show opening in L.A. this weekend.

These horrifying monstrosities are mostly made of silicone, with acrylic eyes and teeth. The hair, of course, is from humans. The shirts? Those are just shirts. And the nightmares you'll be having tonight about Beavis and Butt-Head attacking you in your sleep? Those will be as realistic and horrifying as the look Beavis is giving you in the third photo below.

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Shane Battier must really love to be hated. The wrinkly-headed small forward spent his college career on one of the most hated Duke teams of all-time and now he's on his way to the most hated pro team ever. Yep, he's going to the Heat.

But wait, there's more. This is how Battier announced the news on Twitter:

This was a exciting process and after much deliberation, I would like to quote the great poet Jimmy Buffett and take my chances "Trying to Reason with Hurricane Season"

That's right, Shane Battier is a 50-year-old mom who likes Chili's margaritas and parrot hats. It seems like the Heat are actively trying to be hated now. With the combination of evil LeBron, cry baby Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade's crappy cell phone commercials and now Parrot Head Battier, this team is easier to hate than jock itch. Fortunately, it's also easier to joke about (jock itch is serious, guys). So we'll now do that by suggesting some other Jimmy Buffett lyrics Battier could have used to make this announcement.
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Have you been to TheRapBoard.com yet? If not, go! Click around, laugh a little, then come back here. OK, you're back. Welcome. Now that you're familiar with the site, we thought it would be helpful to give you a few ideas of what to do with it. It's the holidays after all; we're in the giving spirit. Let's do this.

1. Prank call a hip-hop radio station as Lil Wayne

Go online and find the phone number to your local hip-hop station. Call them up and in your best old white man voice say that you're Lil Wayne's lawyer and your client would like to talk to the DJs. It'll work. Once you're on air it gets even simpler. Instead of saying hello, just click the middle Wayne. Answer any question with the third Wayne. And if neither of them work just hit the first Wayne. They'll just think Weezy's really stoned.

2. Record a new Three 6 Mafia Song

This thing's got three clips from DJ Paul and four from Juicy J. That's enough to lay down a Three 6 Mafia track. Who knows, maybe it'll win an Oscar.

3. Make a beat with rapper laughs and grunts

If you took all the laughs (Diddy, Jadakiss, Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, Young Jeezy) and grunts (DMX, Drake, E-40, Gucci Mane, Jay-Z, Kanye, Biggie, Pusha T, Rick Ross) from this board, turned them into a beat and then had Jay-Z put a verse over it, it would instantly become the dopest rap song is the history of the world. Guaranteed.

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Search through the back catalogs of any rapper's lyrics and you're almost guaranteed to a find some version of this line: "I'm the black ______." The blank space is the part that changes. For some rappers it's a bad ass white person (think Axl Rose, Heath Ledger). For others it's a chance to make a joke (think Elizabeth Taylor, Miley Cyrus). We've taken four of our favorite examples of this lyric and illustrated them in GIF form because it seemed like a good idea. Turns out, it was a brilliant idea. And here they are, four excellent versions of this lyric structure, plus one example from the sports world thrown in for fun.

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After becoming world famous for excelling at a job that required him to pummel people until they were nearly dead, legendary boxer Joe Frazier died himself yesterday, a month after being diagnosed with liver cancer.

While Frazier's heyday occured in the '70s, the wonders of ESPN Classic and YouTube taught us about the man-shaped truck who could knock down buildings with his fists if he got mad enough at them. "Smokin' Joe" was scrappy and nowhere near as graceful an athlete as Muhammad Ali. But he was tough. Oh, was he tough. In 1971, after defeating Ali in a fight billed only as "The Fight" (it was that big of a deal), Frazier spent a month in the hospital. The man defined the cliché "leaving it all on the mat." Like his main rival Ali, Frazier spent the later years of his life fighting illness--the one opponent he was unable to beat. We prefer to remember him like this:

Photo: Getty Images

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