The next time your mom tells you to watch educational TV instead of violent sports, explain that watching violence is educational...at least it was for 29-year-old Abel Simmons of California. As he returned home from an Ultimate Fighting Championship bout on Saturday, along with his wife and kids, a carjacker tried to enter their vehicle.
At this point, an average guy might offer the automobile in exchange for his family's safety...but Simmons leaped outside and busted out moves he'd witnessed from years of UFC fandom.
"I had just put him in an arm bar, he slipped right out of it," Simmons told a local news station. "So then I got him...in a guillotine choke. And he wasn't getting out of that. I had that lock really tight. I just held him in place and said, 'Well, guess you are going to jail tonight, buddy.'"
He kept the 32-year-old suspect in the chokehold until cops showed up. Watch video after the jump.
Photo via wackyarchives.com
Now that the weather is warming up and beach season is approaching, it's time for guys with chest hair to make some decisions. Do they shave completely, do some trimming or keep it natural? Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of making this decision is that there are only three options to choose from. When deciding what to do with facial hair, you can choose from several types of ridiculous mustaches alone. For those of you who with chest hair, we've found some options for designs you may want to use if you're feeling creative, bold and/or stupid.
photo via Pleated-Jeans
While you were drinking...
- Drummer Cornel Hrisca-Munn has no hands and can still slay Red Hot Chili Peppers's "Can't Stop."
- Tons of photos of the International Federation of BodyBuilders ladies in bikinis.
Photo via Smosh
Vampires and werewolves used to be awesome killer monsters, until a certain movie franchise made them into sensitive romantic leading men. And then "Warm Bodies" made a zombie into one. Hollywood will surely continue the trend with other supernatural creatures, but it'd be an impossible task for these ones:
At the risk of coming off as vain, looks do count for something, and half-man, half-bug is not a good look on pretty much anyone. Having your DNA mutated with that of a fly is a look so bad that even Jeff Goldblum himself can't pull it off.
The minotaur is up there with Medusa, ranking among mythology's greatest 'butterfaces.' From the neck down, minotaurs are generally imagined to look like UFC fighters who crush cars with their bare hands to kill time between fights. From the neck up, though--big, angry cow head. That's generally listed as a turn-off.
Not only are the creatures famously withdrawn and shy around humans, a fact that doesn't lead itself to erotica, but many reports also indicate that their hygiene leaves quite a lot to be desired.
MORE: "7 Supernatural Creatures We Hope Never Get Sexy Hollywood Versions"
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Thousands of years ago, people wanted answers to life's big mysteries: Where did we come from? How long have we been here? What else is out there? They didn't have science to provide much context, so they came up with some of the most epic, violent stories imaginable. It was kinda like UFC with a fire-breathing angry G-O-D as the referee. Here's what Sunday school didn't teach you about the biggest biblical badasses.
Watch "Guy Code" tackle Religion as a topic tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
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UFC Hall of Famer Randy Couture has fought in the UFC exclusively since 2001. Usually, when you are part of Dana White's family for that long, you're guaranteed a lofty spot in the organization. Matt Hughes recently retired and became the Vice President of Athletic Development while Couture's great rock 'em sock 'em rival Chuck Liddell also hung up the gloves and is now the Vice President of Business Development. Neither of them have been with the organization as long as Couture has. So it would make sense for the former champ to take his seat at the round table (or is it shaped like an Octagon?).
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As someone who gets boners, it's easy to assume you know everything about 'em. They go up when you're at a strip club, they go down (we hope) when you're at grandma's house... what else is there to learn?
Well, plenty, as you'll discover from tonight's "Guy Code" Season Three premiere on MTV2. To prepare you, we've collected the most bizarre penis facts on the Internet. (There is no good way to explain our Google search history to our girlfriends right now...)
Photo via Ray Elbe
WARNING: You'll never want to have sex again after reading this post. You might even have trouble walking. You're going to read it anyway. Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.
Earlier this month, Ultimate Fighting Championship contestant Ray Elbe shared a horrific story on an MMA message board: while having sex with his girlfriend in the cowgirl position, she descended at the wrong angle ("Everything was under control until 1 bounce went a 'little' too high") and snapped his dick. This is how he describes it:
"Falling face first I ko'd myself on the floor ... chipping two teeth and busting my chin... [The nurses] have been trying to clean the dry blood of my swollen shaft in between my tears and pleads for them to be gentle... There has been a tube stuck out of the small hole at the end of my pee-pee which has allowed me to go urinate without having to get out of the bed...however I must admit, seeing the amount of blood leaking from the hole onto the sheets has made me feel like puking every morning. Lesson learned-- I will never let a girl on top again."
Fortunately for Elbe, the $6,000 surgery was successful. He received 10 stitches and will have to "take anti-erection pills for 2 weeks." Even more fortunately, his girlfriend "to make it up to me ... has promised me a threesome of my choice." So, the pain was all worth it! (At least he didn't sue his girlfriend like a Massachusetts guy did after a similar injury.)
Here's the scary part: It could happen to you.