What World Cup Ads Are Trying To Tell Young Guys

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The Super Bowl isn’t the only sporting event that can blow out multimillion-dollar spots during every commercial break. With the World Cup set to arrive tomorrow, you’ll soon be inundated with tons of advertisements over the next month. Of course, Super Bowl ads tend to teach us guys only two things: 1) Beer is good, and 2) Hot women can sell us anything. Let’s see if World Cup ads differ in any way by previewing some of their not-so-hidden messages…

You’ve Gotta Practice Your Ass Off

These guys aren’t on the world’s biggest stage cause they got lucky.

You’ll Never Be As Cool As Ronaldo

Even if you’re freakin’ Pele…

Aspire To Be Great

Or at least, aspire to turn into the Hulk one day.

(Also, you’ll never be as cool as Ronaldo.)

Nowhere Is Too Inappropriate To Play

But hopefully you don’t still live in your parents’ house.

Women Prefer This Version Of Football

Are you really going to argue?

Did We Mention…?

That you’ll never be as cool as Ronaldo — even when he’s a freakin’ cartoon.

There’s Gonna Be A Lot Of Soccer On TV

…for the next 30 days, wherever you are on earth:

And it’s gonna be SO GREAT.

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.