5 Jerks You’ll Meet At Every Concert

moshpit

One of the best parts of summer is getting to watch awesome concerts, from music festivals to stadium tours. Unfortunately, there’s always some d-bag there to ruin your fun time. Prepare yourself to bump into these jerks when you’re trying to listen to your favorite artists…

The “Push To The Front” Guy

Who are these a-holes who think, two hours into a concert, they can make it to the front row? That space was reserved four days ago by the diehards, but now some jerk-wad thinks he can shove his way up there. But he won’t. He’ll get four feet closer and block your view for the rest of the show. This is when it’s appropriate to toss a Frisbee right at his head. DOWN IN FRONT!

The Elbow Thrower

This guy dances like he’s a newborn giraffe. Every time a new song starts, he flails his arms around, knocking everyone around him right in the boob. That sh*t hurts! You’re not alone in your apartment, dude. And if you keep dancing like you’re on fire, people will dump their beer on you.

The Beer Spiller

He nurses his cup, only taking the tiniest of sips, really savoring that artisinal Coors Light. Even a slight bump into each other — inevitable in such a huge crowd — will cause him to spill foam all over you. Can’t he just sneak in a flask like a decent person?

The iPad Videographer

There’s nothing more annoying than someone who records the ENTIRE concert on an iPad. Those things are huge and completely block the view. Hey, we paid $100 to see the band, not watch you switch filters all night long! No need to capture it for future generations, that’s what the live album is for — who’s going to want to watch your shaking vid anyway?

The Wasted Dude

This guy doesn’t care about the band or the music; he just came to get messed up on various substances. Which wouldn’t be your problem, except he’ll try to hug you every two minutes with his sweaty arms, swing his glow sticks in your face, and scream at the invisible flying pixies that are attacking him. There’s no reasoning with this guy. All you can hope for is that he doesn’t drop dead and stop the concert right before the encore.

Photo via Quickmeme

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Jason Saenz (@JasonSaenz) is a NYC comedian and wants to go backstage.