Just Say ‘No’ To Matching Outfits With Your Girlfriend

Pictures from Kimye’s several-day wedding extravaganza in Florence, Italy over the weekend have been kept mostly under wraps, but one thing that has been exposed is Kim Kardashian‘s cleavage in an upscale blazer designed to match her fashion-savvy fiancé’s at the couple’s pre-wedding party.

While pop-culture superstars may be able to get away with playing twinsies, this is certainly behavior that no regular guy in his right mind wants a part of. Here are some foolproof lines to help you avoid looking like you and your girl just escaped from the same summer camp.

1. “You look so perfect in that outfit, why would anyone bother duplicating it?”

2. “I’m afraid people will think we’re brother and sister.”

3. “The only time I want to match is when we’re naked.”

4. “I don’t want to steal the thunder from the awesome couples Halloween costume I have planned for us (and will never mention again).”

5. “If we match, we’ll look like coworkers, and we both know you’re the boss.”

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand-up comic and co-host of the “Lady to Lady” podcast.