The 6 Don’ts Of Cinco De Mayo

cinco fails

Cinco de Mayo is like the St. Patrick’s Day of Mexico, meaning that Americans love it as an excuse to drink like a camel with dry mouth and enjoy two-for-one margaritas. As much as you may enjoy celebrating the Day of the Battle of Puebla, however, there are a few things you’ll probably want to avoid doing…

1. DON’T: Wear Stereotypical Costumes

If you’re whiter than a bride’s gown, don’t wear a poncho, a sombrero and a mustache combination. You look like a doofus at best and a racist at worst.

2. DON’T: Celebrate At Work

Don’t bring a case of Tecate to your cubicle for lunch, unless you happen to own the company. There’s a time and a place to drink at work, and it’s the office Christmas party more than half a year away.

3. DON’T: Belligerently Chant “USA! USA!”

Skip the drive around your neighborhood at 4 a.m. honking while your friend waves the American flag out the window, or any flag for that matter. We get that you love America, and that’s cool, but maybe today is not the day to make your point.

4. DON’T: Try To Hit On A Girl In Spanish

…if you don’t know how to speak it. If she doesn’t speak Spanish either, she won’t understand you; if she does speak it, she’ll understand you’re an idiot.

5. DON’T: Heckle A Mariachi Band

If you’ve seen “Desperado,” then you’ll know these dudes can f*ck you up.

6. DON’T: Make A Mess Of Yourself

A little tequila goes a long way, buddy. Oh yeah, DON’T just eat chips and salsa all night unless you want to sh*t fire the next morning.

Photo Credit: magicrobot/Flickr

+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+

Tony Sam (@ToeKneeSam) has written for “Ridiculousness” on MTV and is a stand-up comedian.