What Your Gym Behavior Says About You In Bed

bedroom gym

The most popular reason for hitting the gym is to look more attractive, but when it comes to getting “results,” your actions may speak louder than your bench press. Whether you’re lifting weights or dragging your ass onto the treadmill, your performance at the gym tells girls a lot about your performance in the sack. Here are a few common gym behaviors and what they mean to the girls who observe them…

Gym Behavior: You stare at yourself in the mirror, flexing your biceps.
Bedroom Behavior: You will try to bust out a series of preplanned moves that you’ve seen in porn; the phrase “You like that?” will be used liberally.

Gym Behavior: You hum along to Miley while doing cardio.
Bedroom Behavior: You’ll be sensitive to a girl’s needs and will make sure that she’s having a good time…but she may need to make the first move.

Gym Behavior: You wipe every inch of every surface with disinfectant before touching it.
Bedroom Behavior: You won’t be willing to go downtown. You will, however, happily share the results of your most recent STD test.

Gym Behavior: You sweat everywhere and don’t clean it up.
Bedroom Behavior: Your body is like an aged cheese: Pungent and an acquired taste. Also, she can expect a romantic night of spooning on your giant laundry pile after the deed.

Gym Behavior: You stop halfway through a rep to watch TV for 10 minutes.
Bedroom Behavior: You know how to tear things up in the pizza box.

Gym Behavior: You take your shirt off for no apparent reason.
Bedroom Behavior: Dirty talk in the third person is imminent.

Gym Behavior: You grunt loudly and frequently.
Bedroom Behavior: You have a hilarious “O” face.

Gym behavior: You lift heavy weights without looking around to make sure everyone sees you.
Bedroom behavior: You’ll lift her up in bed without expecting a medal for it.

Photo Credit: @rich_mayes

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand-up comic and co-host of the “Lady to Lady” podcast.