6 Reasons To Be Happy When Your Girlfriend Poops

couple bathroom sign

You probably don’t want to think about your girlfriend taking a dump. Girls don’t take dumps, right? They temporarily disappear into a mist of body splash, with a hint of something gone terribly wrong. Of course this isn’t true, but many women can maintain the mystery.

However, denial is unhealthy for any relationship. Intimacy can’t always be sexy. Everybody poops, including your girlfriend. You have to accept her for who she is: A human being with a digestive tract. So tell her it’s OK, make her feel comfortable. It may help you both crap out a better relationship. Here’s why…

1. She’s Less Likely To Get Depressed

According to WebMD, “constipation often coexists with depression.” If she isn’t regular, as your grandma would say (your grandma poops too), it could be a symptom of a larger issue. A study in Psychology Today even found that backed-up women felt less feminine and had a harder time in relationships.

Happy people usually don’t walk around holding days of poop hostage in their stomachs. Like with many other aspects of dating, it’s best to let it all out.

2. It Prevents Butt Problems

You love your girlfriend’s butt and only want to best for it. Well, Women’s Health Magazine says that ignoring the urge could lead to problems going in the future, along with hemorrhoids and anal fissures. Pooping isn’t so bad when you consider the alternatives.

3. She Feels Attractive After

When your girl complains about feeling bloated, that’s the wrong time to make a move. But she’s only a cup of coffee and a magazine away from loving her body again. Would you rather never enter a smelly bathroom, or never have sex?

4. You Both Need A Little Alone Time

You like to talk, but not nearly as much as your girlfriend. When she’s in the can, it’s peaceful. She’s not telling you about her coworkers or what she ate that day. (And if she is, she’s reached a level of poop comfort that needs no encouragement.)

5. She’ll Get The Good TP

Your girl has an extravagant side, and if she’s moving those bowels freely, she’ll spare no cost for toilet paper comfort. Those butt wipes make you feel a little like a baby, but at least it’s a rich baby!

6. Now You Can Let Loose In The Bathroom

Nothing liberates you like being able to say, “You did it first!” If she’s pooping up a storm, she has to accept you’re only human too — not just the monster that destroyed her bathroom (you’re also the monster that destroyed her bathroom).

Photo Credit: Pascal Terjan/Flickr

+ Watch “Guy Code” tackle the subject of pooping on the season premiere April 16 at 11/10c on MTV2

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Laure Vino (@LaurenVino) is a writer and comedian in NYC.