5 Ways That Girls Can Be Just As Creepy As Guys

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I can be best described as “creepy,” but I never am because I’m a girl. We only get labeled “neurotic,” “emotional” or “crazy,” while guys get called “creeps” constantly. Last year I moved a block away from a dude after we hooked up — what else would you call that? (Also, as a kid I climbed into a boy’s window just to see what his favorite Ninja Turtle was, so I could pretend it was mine too.)

Girl creeps are real and can be detected. You just need to know what kind of creepiness to look out for…

1. The Internet Creep

She added you on social media and researched you like a cure for cancer, even though you’ve never met her, and she thinks it’s OK to admit it. She’ll investigate your friends and exes and connect with them. (I knew a girl who tracked down a dude’s ex and then registered for improv classes with her.) Check her Facebook mutual friends — if she’s added your family members or elementary school classmates, then you know something’s wrong.

2. The Clingy Creep

The difference between being creepy and just a regular clingy girlfriend is that creeps cling to everyone. Think about how she is with her peers — can she do anything by herself? Whether you date her or you’ve only hung out once, personal space is no longer an option. She will find you…and by then, it’s too smothering to call for help.

3. The Quirky Creep

She thinks she’s Zooey Deschanel, but she’s just another weirdo with bangs. Conscious of how creepy she can be, she thinks it’s “funny” that being a manic pixie dream girl is her destiny. She’s eccentric and exhausting. Look out for girls who can’t put down their ukuleles or tone down the quirkiness for even a second.

4. The Kinky Creep

You thought she had some cool ideas about sex, until you realized how bossy she’d be about them. She’s almost the kind of girl you could bring home to your parents, except that she’d make a move on them. She has no boundaries. If you find yourself wishing you could go back to the missionary position, you’re in over your head.

5. The Legitimately Creepy Creep

The scariest type of girl creep is the kind you can’t spot before it’s too late. She’s charming, then manipulative, and then really into watching you sleep. You never thought you’d regret telling her where you live, but now you’re worried she’ll kidnap your dog. This is an expert creep, and the only way to detect her is intuition. Trust your gut, then run fast.

Photo via lolsnaps

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Lauren Vino (@LaurenVino) is a writer, comedian and girl creep in NYC.