Back when sex wasn’t talked about much in public, most people had bad sex. Sure, people had orgasms — well, dudes had orgasms — but few of them knew what they were doing. It’s crazy how many guys our dads’ age didn’t even know that women could have orgasms, let alone know how to give one to them.
Back then, guys definitely didn’t understand that, when a man gets a women off, she becomes more game to return the favor. We’ve come a long way since then, but most of us still haven’t tapped our full potential to be the sexual tyrannosaurs we can be. Here are ways to up both your mind and body’s prowess.
1. Sex Classes
…and we’re not talking about some stuffy college course with homework and papers. We’re talking about one- to two-hour workshops that you can go to solo or with your girlfriend. They hold a lot of these at sex toy shops around the country, although those tend to be sales pitches/demonstrations of the toys that happen to be available for purchase. Still, it’s informative, and knowing how to use some leather restraints is going to impress any girl whose favorite song is Rihanna‘s “S&M”:
Shops and classes vary from city to city, so you’re going to have to do your own damn Google Incognito search on this one.
Podcasts are better than radio shows in almost every way: Fewer commercials, on-demand listening, usually free…and best of all, no censorship. Sure, Howard Stern can say what he wants on satellite radio, but Howard Stern wasn’t exactly put on this earth to let you know how to find the g-spot.
If you want real, explicit advice on sex, check out podcasts like Sex Nerd Sandra or The Savage Lovecast. (Added bonus: Listening to both of those will impress hipster girls, if you’re into hipster girls.) You probably won’t relate to 75% of what they talk about, but the other 25% will be super helpful, like when Dan Savage instructs straight couples how to find a “unicorn,” the rare female bisexual third for a threesome.
You and your girlfriend might even be against trying something because you’ve heard a bunch of rumors and myths about it, but hearing people discuss the realities — without awkwardly having to be in the room with them — is kind of an amazing way to learn.
We’ve already established that a yoga class is a great place to meet hot girls, and it can also make you better at sex. Even science says so: Yoga can basically get rid of premature ejaculation, in some cases taking you from below to above average endurance. The longer you can go, the more things you can try, and the happier both of you will be when it’s over. Also, certain poses increase your testosterone, but not to nut-shrinking steroid levels.
4. Dirty Type
Most of us know how to do dirty talk, in the heat of the moment, groan-whispering things like, “unh, yeah, you like that? Unh,” and, “Oh yeah, I’m totally boning you…yeah.” But not too many of us ever write it out.
Obviously, you don’t want to do this with a girl you’ve never hooked up with, and we shouldn’t have to explain why not. However, if you’re starting to get in the rhythm of things, even if it’s only your fourth or fifth hookup, try sending her a text while she’s at work, explaining everything you plan to do to her that night. Keep it on the classy end of filthy and she won’t be creeped out — and if it’s a relatively new fling, don’t describe things that are noticeably different from what you’ve been doing.
5. Good Old-Fashioned Listenin’
You can take a semester’s worth of sex classes, listen to every podcast on the internet, get yourself into yoga warrior shape and become the Shakespeare of sexting, but every girl is different, and what makes one girl want to bone you can make another want a restraining order.
Basically, none of what we said above will matter if you don’t listen to what she wants, too. They say every girl likes flowers, but if your girl is allergic to pollen, don’t show up with a bouquet of tulips and put it in a vase in her bedroom, ya know?
Photo credit: Hill Street Studios