Nobody Wants To See Your #AfterSex Selfie On Instagram

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Credit: Pandanuar

For millennia, mankind’s primary instinct — like that of any other animal — was to find suitable sexual mates. For millennials, however, our primary instinct is to post selfies of every single thing we do. So perhaps the newly popular #AfterSex hashtag on Instagram is a Darwinian response to social media, a way to signal success to competitors and desirability to potential partners alike.

Or maybe it’s just a sign you need to put your f*cking smartphone down.

We counted dozens of cuddling couples in post-coital pics tagged #AfterSex, and while those aren’t quite epidemic numbers, they could spread rapidly, so we’ve been forced to consider: Does showing your friends, family and the general public such a weirdly intimate snapshot break Guy Code?

On the one hand, we’re happy that you got laid, buddy. Good for you! Whether it’s with a girlfriend or someone you just met, what the world needs now is smash, sweet smash love. On the other hand, there’s an old adage: “A gentleman never tells.” And while no guy actually upholds that adage in real life, posting an #AfterSex selfie goes so far beyond bragging, it makes you look thirsty even though you just took a drink, ’cause you’re thirsty for attention.

“Certainly #aftersex shots are a brag, maybe they’re an overshare, but they’re also just another modern way — like viral proposal videos, like engagement photos — to publicly declare love,” writes Nerve editor Kate Hakala in a defense of the genre, calling them “irreverently sweet.” And hell, maybe a few of ‘em are.

Look, we’re not gonna cast the first stone here. None of us is without sin when it comes to desperation for social media approval. All we’re saying is, if you post an #AfterSex pic, just have the decency to share some #DuringSex ones too, so we can at least jerk off to the amateur porn you’re pretty much creating already.

Scroll ahead for some more #AfterSex examples. We’re fairly sure, and seriously hope, the last one is a dude with a sense of humor.

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Credit: mikkejohannes

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Credit: arielchapaval

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Credit: @Zackypoo

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Credit: celesteamato

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Credit: asking_ariela

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Credit: taylorrsiggers

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Credit: Chuquirri

Update: One of our Twitter followers eloquently hits the nail on the head

aftersex tweet 3

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the associate editor of Guy Code Blog