5 Reasons NOT To Take Your Girlfriend To A Pro-Wrestling Show

cupcakes wrestling

Sharing your interests with your girlfriend is supposed to build trust, loyalty and mutual respect. That’s why I thought it’d be a good idea to introduce my girl to the wild world of professional wrestling. However, I soon found out that some interests are guilty pleasures — and that bringing a girl to a live wrestling show is about as smart as bringing a vegetarian to a barbecue. Here’s why…

1. You Have To Explain What’s Going On

Wrestling storylines are soap operas for men — there’s danger, betrayal and sometimes people get hit with chairs. It can be very confusing, especially when the guys all wear masks. Be prepared to answer an unending barrage of questions, distracting you from actually enjoying the live sporting event…and making you realize how ridiculous those storylines are when you say them out loud.

2. She’ll Find Wrestlers More Attractive Than You

Professional wrestlers are paid to look like modern-day Greek gods, except more tanned. There’s no way she’ll find your “love handles” cute after John Cena‘s eight pack enters the ring. (She’s not dumb enough to take you to a Victoria Secret Fashion show!) At least buy the cheap seats and keep reminding her that most of them are on steroids anyways.

3. Let’s Face It, Pro-Wrestling Is Sexist

Unfortunately, this is a man’s game. When women do manage to break into the business, with a few exceptions, they’re immediately reduced to managers, valets or bikini-clad love interests. Hey, they always have GLOW, right?

4. She’ll Give You Sh*t For Buying Merch

You paid $40 for a wrestling t-shirt…and you barely spent $20 on your anniversary?! That’s not going to go over awfully well. And even if those imitation championship belts are 10% off, buy one and you won’t get 10% of her clothes off ever again.

5. She’ll Question Your Sexuality

As much as we love wrestling, let’s admit that 50% of all the moves look like foreplay. Do you really want to answer the question, “Honey, why do you enjoy watching two oiled-up men in their underwear try to lie on top of each other?” She’ll just wonder if stepping into her squared circle is your first choice.

ALSO: “5 Reasons To Take Your Girlfriend To A Pro-Wrestling Show”

Photo Credit: Three Man Booth

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Jason Saenz (@notNOTJasonSaenz) is a comedian in NYC.