10 Signs It’s Time For You To Leave The Bar

upside down urinal

Bars present a special challenge: The whole point of them is to serve you drinks, but you’re also still in public — and expected to behave as such. How do you know when you’ve gone past your limit, both physically and socially? Here are 10 situations that will only happen if you’ve stuck around for one more, one too many times…

1. Your friends ditched you hours ago, told you they were ditching you, and you’re now asking strangers, “Have you seen my friends? They were just here…”

2. You’re addressing all the girls in the place by your ex-girlfriend’s name.

3. You almost started a fight with a Derek Jeter Fathead.

4. The bartender has a last call just for you.

5. You’re on round two of hitting on every girl there. “You already used that line,” they helpfully remind you.

6. You just broke down in tears from a Ke$ha song.

7. The only word you can say coherently is “SHOTS!”

8. You just told all your friends how much you love them…for the fourth time.

9. You’re convinced the game on TV is Lakers vs. Red Sox. And it’s hockey.

10. Your booty texts have degenerated to simply, “UP U???”

Photo via Chive

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Zachary Sims (@zacharysims) is a comedian and writer in Los Angeles.