The 5 Ladies Your Girl Always Hangs With


When you started dating your girlfriend you didn’t think all of her friends came along as part of some package deal, but you were wrong. If you want to keep her around you have to at least pretend to like her friends. Who knows, she might be pretending to like them too. You know how women can be sometimes…don’t you?

The Queen B*tch


In case you forgot, she calls the shots. She is the one everyone checks in with and who thinks she is better than the rest. Hopefully your girlfriend isn’t the Queen, unless you like being bullied. It’s your life, dude. Her other friends can be as pretty, but they won’t have the Queen B*tch’s confidence or social status. Fear her and those long manicured nails, they are always ready to strike. Mess with her and seriously think about changing your name. Seriously.

The Gatherer


Unable to do anything unless three or more friends are involved, she is constantly texting your girl and the rest of her posse to find out when and where everyone will meet. Every night has the possibility to be an adventure but only if everyone is involved, you guys. That’s what friends are for…

The People Pleaser


This friend always wants to make sure everything is OK. She’s always checking in and making sure everyone is having a good time and is usually the one the Emotional Wreck ends up confiding in. Did you have fun tonight? How is everything going with you? She needs to know that you are being included in the convo and will awkwardly pull you in if she notices you not saying anything. While she means well, she might be the most annoying friend because she’ll relentlessly follow you until she knows you are having fun.

The Emotional Wreck


Why is she always crying? Seriously. The slightest thing sets this girl off. She can’t take a joke, and everything is usually about her and it doesn’t end well for anyone within earshot and a shoulder to cry on. She keeps Kleenex in business, that’s for sure.

The Mouse

Oh you didn’t see her? She’s the one standing behind all of her other friends or several feet away against the wall. She’s really quiet and rarely chimes in. You’ll only know if she’s there when she coughs, chews loud or it’s time to pay the bill and she needs to cough up her share.

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Tony Sam (@ToeKneeSam) is a comedian and writer for MTV’s “Ridiculousness.”