15 Signs You Need A New Look

hipster t shirt

One of the beautiful things about being a guy is that we don’t have to care much about how we look — our morning routines take way less time than girls’ — but at the same time, you shouldn’t look like you just rolled out of a week-long frat party. Put a little thought into your appearance and you’ll see rewards beyond your wildest dreams…or at least, you’ll stop grossing out every woman in sight. Here are signs it’s time to think about your wardrobe for once.

1. Your idea of formal wear is a black hoodie.

2. You’ve gotten way too good at explaining the stains on your pants.

3. You don’t own a shirt without a cartoon character on it.

4. Everyone knows the day of the week by which football jersey you have on.

5. You’ve got pleated pants and you aren’t a proud grandpa.

6. You’re three months into your “fedora phase.”

7. You grew a beard as all-natural camouflage for your double chin.

8. You look like you’re in Mumford & Sons, but have none of the musical ability.

9. Your shorts all have side pockets. You know, for all those condoms you aren’t using.

10. You don’t own a pair of jeans without a loop on them for a hammer. You also don’t own a hammer.

11. If we were to ask how much of your budget is dedicated to hair gel and fake tanner, you’d have to think about it for a minute.

12. You wear flip-flops and you aren’t A) at the beach, or B) starring in a play at church.

13. No matter whether you pay your rent, your mom still buys your clothes.

14. You don’t realize that your ugly Christmas sweater is ugly and only for Christmas.

15. Your jeans are skinnier than your legs. You’re vacuum-sealed in denim.

Photo via Break

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Zachary Sims (@zacharysims) is a comedian and writer in Los Angeles.