As a general rule, it’s breaking Guy Code to get sucked into celebrity gossip. It doesn’t affect our lives whatsoever, it’s a waste of time that we could otherwise spend playing video games, and — no offense if your life goal is to become a TMZ cameraman — it can easily make you into a terrible person.
That said, we can’t help but be drawn to a mystery, especially one as ridiculous as the braces-wearing guy on reddit (screen name: “coolsexguy420boner”) who claims that he was Kate Upton’s teenage boyfriend and ACTUALLY DUMPED HER. He provides some supporting evidence, like the above photo, though he should now be wearing a paper bag over his head like Shia LaBeouf.
UPDATE: He now says he’s full of crap. Who knew we couldn’t trust a source named “coolsexguy420boner”?
Still, it’s breaking Guy Code to even make such a claim. Our grandparents taught us, “A gentlemen never tells” (unless it’s his best buddies and they promise to keep it a secret). Plus, if you broke up with a future supermodel, why would you let the entire internet know you FAILED?
Here’s an even bigger mystery: Is this Emma Stone’s nude selfie, or just someone who looks exactly like her? Actually, in a weird way, we hope it’s the latter — a doppelganger or maybe a clone (hey, it happened to her “Amazing Spider-Man” character Gwen Stacy) — because we’re
kind of completely in love with her and don’t want her privacy invaded. That doesn’t mean we didn’t click, because gossip makes monsters of us all. Terrible, boob-loving monsters.