With so many professional athletes getting caught with performance-enhancing drugs, are there any supplements out there we can take and not get us banned from our dart leagues? Thankfully, there are. Here is a list of safe (and legal) vitamins that will get you performance great while still avoiding any A-Rod like repercussions.
1. Ginko Biloba
To help you remember that girl’s name.
2. Vitamin B2
To finally cut out that bacne.
Keeps oxygen flowing well so you don’t pass out during sex (again).
4. Vitamin C and Zinc
Fights germs, so you won’t catch a cold going shirtless to the stadium this week.
5. Vitamin E
Helps your face heal after power shaving in the car while commuting to work.
6. Vitamin D
Replaces the nutrients you lost while staying out of the sun playing “Battlefield 4.” Also helps keep bones strong, for when you eventually kick the controller.
Gives your muscles energy to perform in short, rapid bursts which you’ll need if she ever calls you back.
Helps send fat to where it’s needed most and not to that A-Cup you’ve had since Thanksgiving.
9. St. John’s Wart
Helps with the depression you have over losing $100 on the Super Bowl.
10. Vitamin B3 or Niacin
Helps make sex hormones and improves your circulation. Also known as St. Johns Boner.
Photo credit: hugo chang
Jason Saenz (@notNOTJasonSaenz) is a writer in NYC.