6 Things I Was Surprisingly Turned On By At The Grammys

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Editor’s Note: I asked comedian/regular contributor, Tess Barker, to watch the Grammys and pick out what moments surprisingly turned her on. The hope is our readers will pick up some unique tips on how to impress the ladies.

Finally, it’s award season again; that delightful time of year when my coffee table is full of cheese spreads and my television is full of gorgeous men in tuxedos. As long as Justin Timberlake is making music, I’ll always find something to be turned on by at the Grammys, but this year offered a few hints of hotness as unexpected as 34 people getting married to a live Macklemore and Ryan Lewis song.

1. Sean Lennon’s Long Hippie Hair

While the smell of patchouli induces flashbacks of the eight hour Phish documentary I was once forced to watch, there is something undeniably sexy about a dude who can make a tuxedo look as casual as board shorts.

2. Neil Patrick Harris Being Neil Patrick Harris

He may bat for the other team, but buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks, because I want to watch anything and everything this guy does. NPH is proof that talent, poise, and a sense of humor are so sexy they transcend the bounds of sexual orientation.

3. Jay Z Bringing A Protective Arm Around Beyonce

There are two things every woman in America wants: 1) Beyonce‘s body and 2) Jay Z‘s arms around it. Sure, the steamy duet where she “grinded on that wood,” was hot, but nothing is as big a turn on as watching music’s biggest bad a** tell Jamie Foxx and the rest of the world that those stems are spoken for.

4. Everyone Sitting Next To Daft Punk

Almost every magazine in the world contends that women like a “mysterious man,” and perhaps this is why Daft Punk thought to experience their big night silently from behind giant robot helmets. The fact is, however, “mysterious” is often just another word for “unsettling,” and these guys made every human being with a visible face seem like a major catch.

5. Keith Urban’s Tribal Tattoo

Sure, every ounce of conventional wisdom and life experience tells me not to trust a dude with a tattoo that spells d-bag in some language, but a ripped body/black t-shirt/bad tattoo is a combination I defy any female person to resist. Now if they only made candles that smelled like sweat and whiskey…

6. Macklemore’s Green Velvet Blazer

It’s appropriate that the guy who rose to fame singing about thrift store shopping would know how to make something so tacky look so good. Committing to and owning a ridiculous outfit exhibits independence, originality, and the eternal girl bait known as confidence.

Photo Credit: Getty Images, Stringer, Kevork Djansezian

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand up comic with good taste in bad ideas.