Music class was either the best part of your school day or the worst, depending on your level of musical inclination. It’s kind of like gym class to a natural-born athlete or cooking class to the kid who loves to eat. With music class, though, you had to put in real effort and constant practice. You couldn’t just “sit this one out” when you got there.
As we watch the child prodigies in “School Of Rock” shred on guitars and jam on the drums as part of Mancation Weekend, starting tonight at 9 p.m. on MTV, let’s take a moment to remember the classmates you should’ve gotten to know way back when, ’cause they’d make pretty amazing (and possibly rich) friends today. Class is in session.
1. The Future Hippie Icon
He’s the guy whose hair is “in progress,” i.e. it’s too long to be considered “short” or too short to be considered “long.” He has a tie-dyed shirt and stole all of his parents’ Grateful Dead and Phish albums. Plus, he knows how to play every Bob Marley song on the guitar (he’ll only play acoustic). Sure, he might turn into an unemployed couch-surfer, but he also might become a Bonnaroo headliner. Either way, he’ll always know exactly the right thing to say when you need to mellow out.
2. The Tone Deaf One
This person is essential for your music class crew if you have the musical skills of a two-year-old. Most tone deaf people sing the loudest or play their instruments with such intensity that they actually think they sound amazing. They don’t, though, and the perk here is that you’ll always look 10 times better doing whatever it is that you’re doing during class. So sit next to them, because once they start banging on the keys like a lunatic, your slip-ups on the piano will still have you looking like Mozart.
3. The Guy Always Starting A Band
If you’re really good at an instrument — or just really want to be in a band — then you clearly need someone with “connections.” There’s always that one kid who is either A) starting a band, B) breaking up with a band, or C) in a band but in between band names. You’ll always have an opportunity to try out for some band or another if this one is your pal. Of course, you’ll be changing your bands more than your underwear, but who cares if you’re on the path to rock stardom?
4. The Class Singer/Rapper
There is always a class singer and/or rapper. It’s usually not you, and that’s fine because you can just be friends with that person. They get to sit in the middle of the circle and belt out notes while everyone else awkwardly plays the trumpet. If the person raps, then they’ll be banging on tables to make a better beat than the drummer in class and spitting bars like Drake. Just be there to be the hype man, and you’re in there.
5. The Girl Who Goes To Band Camp
Didn’t the “American Pie” movies teach you anything?
Photo credit: Paramount Pictures