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So your six-year plan finally ended, and you’ve graduated college. If you’re one of the many men who refuse to return to their mother’s basement, and instead hole up in your own apartment, then you know furnishing it can be a lot of fun or a total nightmare.
Dorm life was easier. You only had half a room to decorate — and then only half of that half, since the rest of your space was just flooded with crushed cans. Here are some signs that you’ve taken those dorm habits to your current living situation…and that it’s time to get grown.
1. You Still Have A Twin Bed
While you might have grown quite comfy sleeping on your tiny mattress, you don’t need its narrow charm now — and neither does the girl at the bar you plan on taking home. It’s time to upgrade your mattress to a Full, a Queen or a King. Actually, just switch to a Full, because your first apartment probably won’t be fitting a King-sized bed anywhere.
2. There Are Posters All Over Your Walls
This isn’t your high school locker or your college dorm which had a very impressive collection of every Snoop Dogg album cover hanging on the designated poster wall. This is your apartment. Sure, it’s your “bachelor pad” or “man cave” or whatever, but it’s not necessary to flood the walls with posters like it’s a record store from the ’90s.
One or two is fine, and maybe you should even consider getting some framed artwork. That’s going to impress ladies more than your “Star Wars” poster ever did.
3. You Voluntarily Bought A Micro-Fridge
For those who might not be familiar with the actual term, a Micro-Fridge is that handy microwave-slash-refrigerator combo that comes with your dorm. It’s the place where you sacrificed food for beer, and made sure you had a hot plate handy to cook your ramen while conveniently reaching for the sriracha (the only other item in your refrigerator).
That doesn’t fly now. Of course, you’re on a budget…and of course, you still consume more beer than food — but you need something bigger to hold it all. Seriously, how many bags of microwaveable popcorn can one man live on?
4. You Have A Beer Bottle/Label/Can Collection
That’s really cool that you are known to drink PBR one day and Bud Light another day. It’s so awesome that someone bought you a Stella Artois, and during your study abroad to Germany you managed to try 20 different German beers and have the labels to prove it. Nobody needs to see that collection, though. Not even you. So unless you’re some career beer enthusiast, put all of that in the recycle bin. It’s for the best, really.
5. All Your Furniture Is IKEA
A bookshelf is fine, even a desk. But once your budget furniture tally includes a bed, a sofa and even a dreaded futon for guests, then you’re hustling backwards. Here’s a rule of thumb: If you have to sit on it or lay on it, pay more for it. Your soon-to-exist back condition will thank you.
6. Your Bong Is Always Within Visibility
A bong sitting on your coffee table 100% of the time makes you look insane. It doesn’t count as fancy home decor, nor does it look like a sophisticated vase. It’s a bong, and if you still use one (you live in Colorado, right?), it belongs in the privacy of your room or somewhere else discrete. Out in the open screams “guy who needs to grow up.”