5 Ways To Feel Accomplished Without Doing Anything

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Credit: splitbrain/Flickr

The smug looks, the general sense of happiness and that ever-elusive feeling of “pride” you hear so many people talking about — accomplishing things would seem to have its benefits. But is a little self-satisfaction really worth all the painful work that comes with it? Of course not! Forget breaking your back doing chores and go straight to patting yourself on it with these effortless efforts.

1. Watch An Entire Season Of A Show

Sure, it may appear that you’re spending hours parked on the couch, and that is because you are. You are also, however, chipping away at the list of shows you’ve been meaning to watch, thus increasing the number of conversations you can participate in, thereby making a massive contribution to society.

2. Root For The Right Sports Team

Some may say that you have no control over whether your team wins or loses, but you know anything is possible if you put your mind to refusing to wash your lucky jersey. It may take a few quarters screaming angrily from the couch, but when you and your team finally clench that win, it will be worth all of the beer and nachos it took to get there.

3. Throw Away The Moldy Condiments In Your Fridge

Why would anybody ever spend thousands of dollars redecorating their kitchen? You’ll feel equally accomplished by transforming that  disgusting fridge into a beacon of cleanliness just by chucking any perishable perished item wearing a fur coat.

4. Take The Stairs

Use caution when attempting this one — it may quickly turn into actual effort. However, find the right stairs (ideally one or two floor’s worth) and you’ll feel like you’ve basically hit the gym, all while barely burning the calories in a breath mint.

5. Put Your Laundry Away

Sure, there’s no real point in using drawers or closets when your desk chair works just as well, but folding/hanging your clothes and putting them away will give you a taste of what it’ll be like to have that sweet cleaning robot you know you’ll own someday.

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand up comic with good taste in bad ideas.