How To Give Yourself An Early Spring Break

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The only thing that sucks more than being back in your 8 a.m. philosophy class is the horrible weather that’s forcing you to stay inside and actually study for it. Fear not, however. You can still trick your mind into thinking it’s 85 degrees in the dead of winter. Don’t wait for the calendar to tell you it’s time to party. Give yourself Spring Break when you’re ready for it — right f*cking now!

1. Crank Up The Space Heater

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It’s not Spring Break without warm weather and the barely dressed women that come with it. Turn your space heater up to its highest setting and swap out your sweats for board shorts. Once you’re dressed as the ambassador of good times, invite over the first girls you hear complaining about the cold (this shouldn’t take long).

2. Make A Reggae Playlist

An Alternative View Of The 2012 Toronto International Film Festival
Credit: Getty Images

Forget playing into winter’s game by listening to sad, mopey music. Create an audio beach party in your room with a playlist of reggae jams and stir it up. (“It” being fruity mixed drinks.) If you live in Colorado, you may even be able to add more than music to create the “reggae vibe.”

3. Pop Open Some Coronas

Wine Conglomerate Constellation Brands Buys Corona From  Anheuser-Busch InBev
Credit: Getty Images

Quickly and easily turn your bed into a beach chair by swapping out your go-to domestic beer for a refreshing vacation brew. Slice up a lime, kick off your shoes and enjoy the sound of the crashing waves/busted furnace.

4. Watch “Spring Breakers”

Credit: Muse Productions/Division Films

Nothing cancels out nasty cold weather like some sweet footage of babes in bikinis with guns. Not only will “Spring Breakers” provide some perfect scenery, it’s great to watch with babes you actually know, who like the movie for its badass characters and Britney Spears references.

5. Wear A Stupid Shirt

Credit: Quickmeme

Who says you have to fly all the way to Cancun to embrace your inner idiot? Swing by your local thrift store and grab the tackiest Hawaiian shirt you can find. This will serve as a great conversation piece with the ladies, and will signal to all who enter your dorm room paradise that it’s your Spring Break…they’re just living in it.

+ Watch April Rose and Andrew Schulz from “Guy Code” host “mtvU Spring Break 2014″

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Tess Barker (@TesstifyBarker) is a stand up comic with good taste in bad ideas.