The Best Concerts To Hook Up At In 2014

Concert Kiss
Photo: Barry Gnyp / Getty Images

Sure, the music’s great — but rock, pop and hip-hop concerts can also provide you with some of the best possible make-out opportunities a public gathering can offer. Of course, every artist sets a different tone and draws a unique crowd that may be more or less conducive to your romantic needs. So we’ve rounded up the touring musical acts of 2014 that a guy looking to score absolutely cannot miss in the upcoming year. Start your tailgating…now.

One Direction: “Where We Are” Tour

Hey, someone’s gotta entertain all those hot and bothered single moms. Her kids may have dragged her to the show, but Ms. MILF will be dragging YOU to her station wagon before the “Live While We’re Young” encore is over, if you play your cards right.

Beyonce: The “Mrs. Carter Show World” Tour

Queen Bey‘s 132-date tour won’t tap out until late March, which means you still have time to impress a date with a pair of tickets to see the greatest show-woman on earth. Each $100+ seat may as well come with a secret bonus voucher, good for one trip to the bedroom with your grateful girlfriend.

Ke$ha: “Warrior” Tour

The only other men in attendance at Ke$ha‘s show will be interested in each other, so you can swoop in on that cute girl in your row with ease. But be sure to attend with your favorite gay wingman and learn the lyrics to at least three songs to avoid accusations of ulterior motives.

Phish: “Winter 2014″ Tour

Phish played some of the strongest shows of their career this past year. If they keep it up in 2014, tripping Phans will be so engrossed that they won’t notice when your girlfriend’s hand creeps into your pants halfway through “You Enjoy Myself.”

Backstreet Boys: “In A World Like This” Tour

These days, Backstreet Boys concerts are just as packed with female fans as ever — only now, unlike in 1999, a grown man won’t get arrested for talking to them.

Rolling Stones: “14 On Fire” Tour

Yup, the septuagenarian legends are still at it, and their shows are a sheer paradise for fans of “mature” ladies. Lucky for you, you’ll be the only man in attendance who can actually get it up.

Susan Boyle: “Susan Boyle In Concert” Tour

We have no idea what to expect from the offbeat “Britain’s Got Talent” contestant’s first concert tour outside of her native Scotland, but we do know one thing: The woman has the voice of a f**king ANGEL! If those silky pipes don’t put you and your lady in the mood, nothing will.

R. Kelly: “Black Panties” Tour

Twenty five straight songs about booty and grinding and believing he can fly? Our job here is done.

**BONUS TIP!** Avoid at all costs if you’re trying to hook up with the ladies:

Justin Timberlake – “The 20/20 Experience” World Tour

Forget it. No man can compete with JT.

+ Watch “Girl Code Presents: New Year’s Code” featuring the casts of “Girl Code” and “Guy Code” tonight at 10/9c on MTV

+ Follow Guy Code on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Google+

Ethan Fixell (@EthanFixell) is a writer and comedian from New York.