Mansumer Reports: Duke Cannon Big Ass Brick Of Soap

duke-cannon-soap
Credit: Duke Cannon

Shots have been fired against the body wash industry courtesy of Duke Cannon and his big ass brick of soap. I had the pleasure of reviewing the Duke Cannon Limited Edition U.S. Military Field Box Gift Pack. It became clear when I opened the .30 CAL ammunition field box that this wasn’t your mother’s brick of soap, unless your mother was an active member of the US Army’s Bravo Company 2-135 who worked with Duke Cannon field testing the soap.

If you’re looking for a luffa in your field box, you clearly aren’t the right man for Duke Cannon soap. As ashamed as I am to admit to it, I went through an experimental phase in college where I used luffa and to be honest it never felt right. Also, I had some serious concerns about what my roommate did with that thing when he was in the shower.

I’m looking for simplicity with out losing masculinity when it comes to male grooming products. Duke Cannon’s soap really nail it. The scents of soap are subtle and come with names like ‘victory’, ‘accomplishment’ and ‘naval supremacy’. After using Duke Cannon soap you step out the shower smelling like a man and not a mango.

Plus the whole military soap angle isn’t just some corporate gimmick either, Duke Cannon actively supports veteran causes including the Honor Flight Network.

But who is Duke Cannon? The world may never know but I was able to come across a few ‘facts’ about Duke Cannon.

  • The biological father of Duke Nukem (Nukem is his mother’s maiden name…long story).
  • His soap is used to wash out the mouth of Chuck Norris when he curses.
  • Does 25 push-ups any time someone proudly identifies as a metro-sexual.
  • You know how vampires can’t be seen in a mirror? That happens with Duke Cannon and selfies.
  • Found Bigfoot years ago, but refuses to disclose his location because ‘snitches get stiches’.

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Sean Green is a comedian and die-hard NFL gambler. Get his picks @GamblingPodcast and hit him up if you need help with your fantasy football lineup.