6 Jobs That Guys Will Do To Get Paid In Beer

moving beer
Credit: Dan Ox/Flickr

Recently it emerged that Amsterdam has been paying alcoholics to clean city streets…that is, paying them in beer. Some people applauded this clever practice; many others derided it. But don’t be so quick to judge, because you’ve been paid in beer countless times in your life for so many stupid things.

1. Helping A Friend Move

There’s a reason it often costs several hundred dollars per hour to hire professional movers: Carrying a bunch of sh*t from one place to another is hard work. If a buddy asks for your help next Saturday, you’re obligated to say yes…but he’s obligated to buy the suds and pizza. What are friends for? Too bad a few lite beers aren’t going to heal your newly inflicted back pain.

2. Repairing Things

Repairs are costly for people who don’t know how to use tools, but quick and cheap for you. That’s why you should’ve never let everyone know you’re so handy — every weekend you’re changing car oil, plumbing toilets and/or building new decks. A few tallboys sure make a terrible form of currency.

3. Doing Someone’s Homework

You’re a hard worker…unlike your buddy. But his final exam isn’t going to write itself, so he begs you to help him graduate. Be a pal and apply your brain cells — you’ll be drinking them away soon enough with the keg he owes you.

4. Professional Favors

Just like Liam Neeson in “Taken,” you have a very particular set of skills. Maybe you’re a lawyer, or a doctor, or a rocket scientist. Whatever the case, your friends will occasionally want to “borrow” those skills, and they won’t want to pay legal tender. Will a six-pack cover that surgery?

5. Live Performances

Whether a musician, actor or stand-up comedian, performers are often pathetically desperate for an audience. And the thrill of performing their precious art in front of a crowd is often enough to lead to a shaky agreement of terms. Then again, no one wants to pay money to watch your slam poetry. Get any free drink out of it you can!

6. Being A Wingman

Wingmanning for a friend is the most basic Guy Code contract: You help him get lucky, he helps with your bar tab. Even still, it’s never worth it, is it?

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide’.