The Biggest Dumbasses That Florida Gave The World This Year

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Photos via TheCHIVE

We’re halfway convinced that Florida isn’t a state so much as a portal to an alternate universe where chaos is the only logic. A wildly disproportionate number of “Today’s Dumbasses” hail from the Sunshine State, and each new day seems to bring at least one story that’s too bizarre to be true, usually involving booze and nudity.

After you’ve read enough Florida news, all of this madness blends together (hence, @_FloridaMan), but our friends at BroBible took on the herculean task of whittling down “The 25 Craziest Things That Happened In Florida In 2013″:

Woman Runs Over Duck Who Wouldn’t Accept Her Offer Of Candy

A Tarpon Springs woman was arrested and accused of intentionally driving over and killing a duck. The duck allegedly wouldn’t approach the woman to accept a piece of candy from her. One witness said she had “stalked” the duck prior to the incident and this is why animals should really stay off Adult Fowl Finder.

Man Tried Exorcism On 80-year-old Girlfriend

It’s the classic tale of man and woman getting into a lover’s quarrel, so — in an attempt to get her to see things his way — he tried to get the devil out of her. Did we mention she was 80 years old and he’s 56 years old? Did we mention this isn’t the Middle Ages? Did we mention he took the batteries out of the house phone to keep her from calling for help and rigged the garage door so it wouldn’t open and she couldn’t leave?  Did we mention the reason for all this was because “she is crazy,” according to the boyfriend? Did we mention these stories get crazier, because they do.

Woman Arrested For Yelling “It’s T*tty Time!’ At Various Bar Patrons

Here are her exact words, as police cuffed her for indecent exposure: “It’s t*tty time, I’ll take everything off. I am getting arrested for indecent exposure! I’ll give you something to look at, baby, I’ll take everything off! Oh, yes, baby I’ll take it all off, OK.” And now you’ve got your senior yearbook quote.

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MORE: The 25 Craziest Things That Happened In Florida In 2013

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