15 Moments That Steal Our Masculinity

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Credit: Natalie Avakian/Getty Images

It’s not always easy being a man these days. We love to fix things with our hands and get loud in bars when sports are on, but there is very little room for error. Someone could be photographing us with a smartphone camera at any second…and that someone could be our girlfriend, uploading it to her social media accounts. Here are the masculinity-stealing moments you’d never want anyone to see. Be careful out there, men.

1. When your umbrella gets blown inside out while you’re crossing the street at a busy intersection.

2. Going to the dentist and having that suction thingy cling to your cheek as you helplessly sit there with a wide-open jaw.

3. When you struggle to finish a set at the gym and you let out a grunt that sounds like a yelping poodle.

4. Losing to your girlfriend in “Madden 25.”

5. Riding on a roller coaster and uncontrollably screaming on the first drop.

6. Applying lip balm — any time, any place.

7. Having to stay by your girlfriend’s side as she shops for bras and underwear.

8. Every single time you don’t realize there is food stuck in your teeth until you get home hours later and look in the mirror.

9. When smoke gets in your face from BBQing and your eyes begin to water.

10. Hearing your mother call you by your childhood nickname in front of your friends, then getting tormented the rest of your life when they insist on introducing you as “Li’l Munchkin Tush”.

11. When your girlfriend asks you to order her a drink from the bar, and she’s having an Appletini.

12. Going to the hardware store and having absolutely no idea what the majority of the tools are called, especially the one you really, really need to finish building a birdhouse for your girlfriend.

13. Sampling cologne at a department store from a gorgeous girl, then realizing you’re allergic to it, and beginning to sneeze uncontrollably.

14. Taking a swig of beer, only to have it go down the wrong pipe, then coughing for the next 15 minutes as you try to compose yourself.

15. Stubbing your toe on your way to the bathroom after you’ve just had sex.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY. His first book, “Ten Shows”, is available on paperback and Kindle.