10 Signs You Should Dump Her Immediately

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Photo via Cheezburger

It’s very noble to want to hold on to a relationship in the hope that it might work out, but if you notice any of these red flags, then you better start running:

1. She calls you “daddy” and you’re not currently having sex.

2. She picks out names for future babies. You keep finding holes poked in your condoms, because the future apparently isn’t that far off.

3. For your birthday, she opened a joint checking account.

4. She sends YOU d*ck pics.

5. Her favorite movie is “Norbit,” and she quotes it daily.

6. She won’t let you hang out with any of your friends…except for that one friend she says is “super hot.”

7. She tags herself in all of your Facebook photos, and then comments on each of them: “I’m always with you.”

8. Her tramp stamp is so big, she could be mailed overseas.

9. She won’t let you talk to other women. Not even Siri.

10. “I know you didn’t stay at the office late. The GPS tracker I put on your car told me.”

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Zach Broussard (@ZachBroussard) is a comedian in New York City.