You don’t need an advanced mathematics degree to succeed at fantasy football. Instead use our patented formula, which accounts for a player’s ability to score on the field and off.
Nick Foles vs. Jake Locker
Fantasy owners everywhere are kicking themselves for not starting Nick Foles last week. He amassed seven TDs in an historic performance against the Oakland Raiders. Granted, it was the Raiders and after a record-tying game you can only go down, but I still have Foles putting up 25.5 against the Packers coming off a short week. Foles’s lady friend Tori Moore, a former Arizona volleyball player (who, like Nick, has a love of spiking) is a real babe. I’ll serve her up a score of 9.0 for a total of 34.5.
At 19.16 fantasy points per game, Jake Locker has been a serviceable fantasy player when he hasn’t been injured. If there’s one thing that’s bound to get you healthy, it’s playing the Jacksonville Jaguars at home. I predict Locker will air it out racking up 27 fantasy points against the hapless Jags. Now, what about his wife, Lauren…is she from Tennessee? No, but she’s still the only 10 I see in this match-up, bringing their total to 37.
Winner: Lauren Locker
Keenan Allen vs. Torrey Smith
Photos: Twitter & Alberto E. Rodriguez / Getty Images
Third round pick Keenan Allen has been paying dividends for fantasy owners who took a chance on him, averaging 10.21 points per game. His 10-inch hands have helped him handle Philip Rivers‘s laser passes and his girlfriend’s giant…personality traits. Ten-inch hands, 10 points per game and dating a solid 10: Keenan Allen and his gal pal come in at an even 20.
Unfortunately for Baltimore Ravens fans, Joe Flacco was their leading rusher last week against the Browns. Fortunately for Torrey Smith fantasy owners, he was once again their leading receiver. Averaging only 9.59 fantasy points per game, Torrey Smith and the Ravens seem to be suffering from the dreaded Super Bowl hangover, and I expect it to continue against the Bengals. I predict Smith will only have 8.5 fantasy points. Tough to feel bad for him though — he’s got two rings, one from the Super Bowl and one from his wedding to the super sexy Chanel. She’s a 9.5, bringing their total to 18.
Winner: Keenan Allen